Do you ever just sit back and think “how the fuck did I end up here?” For me, it happens all the time. I’m currently sitting at Starbucks angry as hell because its been almost four fucking months and I still can’t get one summer night out of my head. It also sucks knowing that the other person doesn’t give a shit and has probably never thought back to that one night, but that’s okay. I’m going to tell you one of the most magical nights of my life and why four months later, I still crave to feel as free as I did that one summer night.
I came back to Halifax early to get a job before I started my second year at Dalhousie University. Finding a job was a lot fucking harder than I thought and to ease the stress, I went out drinking. The Dome is the most popular night club in Halifax. Many call it greasy, but many call it home. With a little bit of liquor and a lot of music, my friend and I were having a blast.
While dancing on stage, a group of guys appeared and started walking towards where we were dancing and looked like they were going to join us on stage. Unfortunately, I have never had good timing in life, and the boys we came with hopped on stage with us, scaring away the other eligible bachelors. I need glasses to see long distances, but for some weird reason, even though I hadn’t seen his face clearly, I was still attracted to the boy in the red shorts. This was strange to me, not only because I felt drawn to someone who I wasn’t even sure was attractive physically, and being drawn to someone without knowing them. The attraction also confused me because he was wearing red shorts and I don’t like coloured pants unless they’re khaki.
Somehow, my friend and I ditch the guys we came with and end up at the bar buying shots. Within my peripheral vision, I can see the boy with the red shorts. So I did anything a stupid, intoxicated, and might I add completely psycho, teenager would do. I wrote my number on a napkin. I quickly whispered to my friend to “get ready to run” and before I knew it, I was tapping his shoulder and running away for my life.
My friend and I headed to the dance floor upstairs because the realization of what I just did kicked in and I was mortified. I felt my phone buzz and chose to ignore it because I was still in shock of what my drunk ass did. Before I know it, my friend is swooped away by a boy and she’s in a booth talking to him. So now my drunk ass is alone at a nightclub. I quickly check the text and respond to his question of where I went.
Drunkenly, I approach the table where my friend was and tell her I’m leaving, but as I say that her face lights up and she gives me a look, a look I was worried about. I felt a tap on my shoulder and as I turned around, I was face-to-face with the boy in the red shorts.
I still remember feeling nervous as fuck because he was a lot cuter than I thought and I was really unsure of what I had just gotten myself into. Before I know it, we're in a booth with his friend and we're all getting along talking. When he put his arm on the curve of my hip, I didn’t flinch like I normally would. I let it happen; it just felt right.
Before I know it, we're all leaving the club and he’s holding my hand. Ever since that night, I have held many others hands, but none of them have felt as right as when I was holding his. It took me a long time to realize that.
We get to his street and he tries to get me to follow him home, but I refused. I’m not the “one night stand” kind of girl. I have many friends that can do that, but for me, it doesn’t make me happy. I tell him that I’m going back to mine and just like the beautiful player he is, he smoothly pulled me in for a kiss. I was very drunk, but I still remember the spark that ignited with our first kiss. I had never had a kiss where the chemistry was just so evident. If I focus hard enough, I can still remember the euphoric feeling.
While walking home, we talked about small things. I mean, we were still strangers, more than we are now. When we reached an intersection, I had the urge to lie down on the road and watch the street lights, so I did. He joined me on the ground and started kissing me again. I remember having no fear, as if the idea of a car coming and running us over wasn’t there because I was so involved in the moment in front of me, and I always worry, but this time I didn’t.
When we got to my room, I had to drop the bomb that I wasn’t going to have sex with him and he simply said, “Its okay. We can do other things.” To which I laughed at. I really just don’t think he’s ever had a girl tell him no. As we start making out, he keeps trying to go further and I just won’t let it happen. I don’t care who the fuck you are. If I say no, then I fucking mean it.
Being a fellow fuckboy, I thought of ways to make him leave, and my only idea was to pretend to fall asleep and hope he just gets up and leaves.
You can imagine my surprise when I woke up the next morning at 7 AM and I had someone’s arm around me. It didn’t feel strange. It surprisingly felt okay, and in that moment I think I should’ve known, but I was so mad at the time at so many other people and things that I couldn’t even enjoy waking up to something other than a wall. Just like with the hand holding and the kiss, I’ve woken up in many others arms since then, and none of it felt right.
When I got back from the washroom he was still there lying in bed. He slowly got up when he realized where exactly he was and started getting ready. As I was looking at myself in the mirror in my little blue pj bottoms, he wrapped his arms around me from behind and started kissing my neck. He was probably hoping that I had changed my mind and would have morning sex with him, but instead he just got an “au revoir,” and to that he replied “salut.”
I always wish those were the last words we said to each other, because just like life does, everything went downhill from there. That’s a whole other story that I don’t even want to talk about, but just know, like a real life fairy-tale, a happy ending is only a happy ending if the rest of the story isn’t finished.
To most people, this story is just about a girl and a boy who didn’t have a one night stand, but it's so much more than that. It was the night I realized how magical life can really be. I will never share what we talked about at night, but I will try to share the feeling I felt.
Running through the city at night alone is fun, but when you’re with someone just as electric and just as free as you, nothing can compare. Everything felt enlightened that night. Even the soft summer breeze felt better and the lights along the road sparkled brighter. Even though he and I don’t talk anymore, and to be honest, I think he’s completely forgotten about me, I will never forget that summer night we shared and I think I will miss it forever.