Online Dating to Online Don't-ing

Listen. I tried the Tinder thing. I did the Bumble thing, the Hinge thing, and Plenty of Fish in the Sea or whatever the hell, too. I had profiles on any and all that I could download for free. I even did Bumble-BFF.

Albeit entertaining, they're not for me.

Which is hard in today's world, right? Because we live in a world where our phones are our greatest connectivity. They are quite literally the controllers of our lives. Being forced to go out and talk face-to-face with a stranger is completely out of the normal practice for most of us.

That makes the dreamer and romantic in me teary-eyed. Makes her heart feel like a falling anvil in her chest. How was I supposed to be in the grocery store reaching for the same can as my future lover, our hands graze each other's, our eyes meet and then holy matrimony ensues? It seems like a far-fetched reality in 2017.

So here's what I did: I vowed to go the route of finding "the one" for me the "old-fashioned" way. I sought out people that were in my real-time, face-to-face everyday life.

(Yes, you read that right. I sought out. I was a seeker because I am a believer in being a go-getter and not pussy-footing around waiting for something to happen to me.)

I tried the office (don't). I tried bars (don't). I relapsed and tried dating apps again...multiple times (what are you doing, don't). I tried friends of friends (okay!).

In the past 2 years, I have found myself in two scenarios from this in-person approach—one that devastated me (from the office) and the other has currently been making my heart overflow with love (friend of friend).

It wasn't until I decided to let go of my pride and A) take care of myself first instead of sitting on the back-burner and B) letting trust leak back into my life and allowing my friend to introduce me to someone (because if your friends have good character, they should recognize it, right?) And that is how I found the greatest man I've met yet (other than your dad, duh!).

And the best part? I have gotten to know him through actual conversations. I didn't have to read a profile and pass judgment. I didn't have to wonder which one he was in the single picture he posted. I didn't have to file him into a folder of dudes who seduce women by holding up a fish (well, at least not yet— stay tuned will update).

He's not married to his phone or to social media. I don't think he's ever poisoned his life with a dating app, bless his soul. He is the freshest breath of air.

He's handy. He talks to me. And get this, he is not an old man. As far as relationships go, he is the loveliest thing in my life.

To ease up a bit, I will add that one positive thing I gained from dating apps is a slew of great stories. That's for certain.

But I stand by my feelings on dating apps: they do not provide.

That is my experience. That is my truth. Feel free to prove me wrong. Feel free to have an amazing experience. I hope for you that you will. I will congratulate you and your newfound love. Because you have defied the odds. Because love is a beautiful thing.

But if you invite me I will probably cringe at your wedding when your toast incorporates the words "Tinder" and/or "swipe." Or I will roll my eyes when you have a made-up meeting story. (Call me an old soul. I don't care. But at least own it.)

Oh, and please don't have a red velvet wedding cake. Who's with me?