Online Heartbreak

In the beginning I never used to see the allure in online relationships but as I grew into my mid-teens such relationships were quite popular. With websites such ad IMVU and Second Life you could really become anyone you wanted to and date your dream guy. I eventually got sucked into the madness of it all.

Online relationships were almost like a drug for me to the point I would swear up and down that my feelings for this person, I'm pretty sure now looked nothing like his virtual avatar, were real. I would go nights without sleeping taking to an avatar and looking back at it now I can barely hold in my laughter. Thankfully, this phase ended quickly.

Around the age of 17, I was still very awkward looking and couldn't get a guy's attention for the life of me. I resorted to becoming a tomboy to hopefully hide the fact that lack of male attention wasn't by choice. Here I was, wearing outrageously baggy shirts and basketball shorts that reached my ankles, wondering when I would come into my womanly curves. Little did I know I already had them.. I was just too chubby to notice.

I ended up losing what I liked to call my stubborn baby weight around the age of 19 and when I tell you the glow up was real... the glow up was R.E.A.L. I was getting so much male attention to make up for the years I was, for lack of a better word, slept on. Naturally, all this new attention led to some bad decisions that I've long learned from.

The summer of of 2012 I had officially moved out of my parents' place and started University three hours away from them. That's the summer I met him. His name was Jeremy. I'm pretty sure that's still his name but you know what I mean. He was tall, dark, and yeah you guessed it... fine as hell. Oh yeah.. and by "met" I mean I met him online.

Okay listen, this was definitely not like my IMVU days. Jeremy and I would Skype, text, and call each other constantly. He lived in Australia and I was all the way in Canada and at the time a love like ours did not know any bounds. Ha ha, so I thought.

Jeremy and I were in a online relationship for two years and during those two years I have never experienced heartache like what that boy put me through. Mind you right now, I'm only reflecting and I know darn well that our online relationship was doomed from the start and I had such a false image on what love really was that my heart grew content with sketchy ass long distance relationships. Let's all shake our heads together.

I grew tired of Jeremy's lies. He would post random girls on his social media and they would comment back with heart eyes and other useless emojis; meanwhile he would promise me those girls were just his cousins. Can you imagine I fell for that? I can't. Knowing myself now it truly baffles me how much of a buffoon I was. One good thing came out of all of Jeremy's nonsense though... I was so good at investigating and knowing the signs and symptoms of a fuckboy that I later on saved myself and some friends from many useless men. So thank you, Jeremy, wherever you are.

When it came to the end of Jeremy and I, there were no words to explain how I felt. It was probably the equivalent of how Shikamaru felt when Asuma Sensei died at the hands of Hidan. Quick Naruto reference. Trust me, though, Asuma dying is way worse than anything Jeremy made me feel, but sadly that's how I felt like at the time.

Over time I realized my worth and I can't blame Jeremy for what he did to me. He was young and stupid just like I was. Looking back at it now, those IMVU days really shaped how I viewed relationships for most of my teen years. It was hard to shake off what I was so used to but I knew I had to in order to have any sort of healthy relationship in the future.

Needless to say, I've grown. I'm turning 25 and I have learned that my gut has been right more times than it has been wrong, never settle for anything less than I deserve, and most importantly work on a better me so that when I have an opportunity to experience a great love, I'll be ready.