Heartbreak. Even the mere sound of the word is enough for memories you have repressed for so long to flood back in to your mind and turn your rainbow lit skies jet black in an instant. Sweating. Convulsing. Panicking. The sheer fear of feeling such intense pain like that again is enough to build barriers around your heart. I built a home for him in my body; meanwhile, he decided he was a traveller with so many places still to see, whilst I'm merely a long-haul flight in those travels. How and why would you ever want to allow someone else in to your life like that ever again?
The truth is that in heartbreak we lose ourselves, or at least a version of ourselves that we had become so greatly accustomed to. And while the days gradually get easier and the memory of him no longer haunts every corner of your mind, those barriers around your heart are too strong to unnerve for a great deal of time. It is because of this pain that we find ourselves frequently partaking in self-destructive behaviour, eliminating the ability for anybody else to ever hurt us in the way that you were broken in the past, because you achieve it before anybody else can. But your strength does not stem from building your walls high and drinking yourself in to oblivion to "prove" that you're living a better life, strength comes from allowing yourself time to heal and allowing other people to enter your life, in whatever form that may be.
It is impossible to allow yourself time to recover from your hurt if you resist what caused it in the first place. It will be painful, a form of pain that you can never truly put in to words. But it is a necessary experience in order for you to find stability in your life again.
Your heartbreak cannot follow you everywhere you travel.
There will always be the memory of indescribable pain, but do not allow this memory to be the first thought that enters your mind every time you meet someone with potential. It is not fair to brandish every person that enters your life with the same definition simply because of how one person has treated you previously. Accept your past for what it is and use it as a catalyst to better yourself in the present moment.
Resentment only ever impacts the person who feels it. It's normal to be hurt by those that have wronged you, even more so when they played such a substantial part in your life. But allowing yourself to be consumed by the hurt they caused you is one of your greatest shortcomings. Offering forgiveness to those that have hurt you, whether explicitly telling them or merely confirming it within yourself, is a fundamental part of leaving your past where it belongs. Rather than allowing your past to have a negative hold on your present, use the lessons it taught you to ensure you approach situations differently in the future. Through the pain, he taught me when enough is enough, when to stop fighting, and most fundamentally—how to love myself. Hold on to those lessons.
I know from personal experience that when I radiate positivity and a love within myself, it is when people are generally more endeared by you. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who knows her mind and her body and loves it despite its flaws. A peace within ones body is the most vital form of love.
Present yourself for what you are, not what you want people to perceive you as.
It's so easy to be unintentionally deceitful in the modern age. Social media allows you to present yourself in whatever way you want, but just because you paint yourself to be this strong, empowered being to the world—it will never truly become a reality until you invest your time and belief in yourself.
Trust that the universe has greater things planned for you.
I always used to despise the saying "everything happens for a reason," but when you constantly witness awful things happening to amazing people, it's hard not to believe that there is always something greater waiting for a person. It is through hardships that we allow ourselves a space to grow and to develop, there are numerous mountains you have to climb and as soon as you reach the highest peak the journey back down rapidly begins again, but it is through these moments that you develop strength.
Avoid worrying about the future.
Much like allowing the past to control your mind and restrict your trust in people, you cannot allow the fear of what may happen in the future to stop you from finding happiness in the present. Closing off your heart will not make you any happier, because closing off your heart from pain does not inadvertently constitute as a form of happiness, you will simply become numb and void of feeling. Allow yourself to feel, both the positive and the negative.
Always remember you are strong enough to move on and walk away from the things and people that no longer deserve your energy. Then you will find peace. Then you will find freedom.