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Our Sad Story

How do you tell the man you love you're leaving for good?

By Amanda LongPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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It's been seven years, this year, that we have been together. I fell in love with you in high school and never wanted something more in my entire life. I finally got your attention our senior year, and I now wish I hadn't. Our first year together you cheated on me, but I believe in second chances. Our second year together you went off to college and cheated again. I believe in third chances so we stayed together. You decided you needed a "break" and left me crying in my car at 3 in the morning. A month later I find out you had sex with my best friend, but was furious when I started seeing another man. For some reason I couldn't stay away from you and six months later I was back in your arms. You then joined the military, and things were starting to look up for us, I was madly in love with you and wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

We found out you had to leave for training for four months and I was heartbroken; I couldn't be away from you that long. The night before you left, you were acting kind of strange. You were hiding your phone from me and trying to get me to go home as soon as you could, I knew something was wrong, I felt it, but I left anyways. That night you made the conscious decision to go to your best friend's house and have sex with his sister. Knowing I was home crying because you were leaving me for so long. I didn't find out that night though, no, I found out 3 months later. The day I was supposed to drive 17 hours to see you, I found the messages you sent her. You told her how amazing she felt that night, and how much you enjoyed making her orgasm. I cried and cried in my hotel room, calling my friend trying to decide what to do.

That day I saw you, I hugged you and pretended everything was fine, because you had no idea that I knew what you did to me. I decided to leave you that day, and I thought I was finally done, I thought I had moved on. You came home a month later and there I was, stupidly, waiting for you with open arms. That was 3 years ago.

We have talked about marriage, a house, and kids since then and that's all I have ever wanted. Four months ago you left for your 1 year deployment and I was going to be here waiting for you when you got home, but now... the more I am alone the more I realize I can live without you. I can live without the constant fear you will cheat on me, or that you will leave me. I am alone but I am not lonely without you. That's not love, why do I continue to hold on so tight to you? We started dating too young, I thought as we grew up and got older we would become closer and more wise. However, I think as time goes on we are growing apart. The love we once had isn't there anymore, but we keep holding on.

I have forgiven you for everything you have done to me, but I will never be able to forget them. Asia, Sunny, Jess, Melissa, Alyssa, and some I don't know the names of. I know them all and I will never trust you again. A part of me still loves you, but not enough to keep this going. But how can I completely blame you for everything? I stuck around, I continued to let it happen.

Now here lies the question, how could I possibly leave you after 7 years while you are away on deployment? I can't, and that is where the pain truly sets in. I could never leave you stranded and alone while you are over their fighting for your country, your family, and for me. I couldn't be that heartless, but how can I move on if I have to continue this charade? I don't want to hurt you, I want you to be happy, I just don't think it will be with me. You were once in love with my best friend, and you will deny it and deny it but you wish you had chose her. I need to accept that.

Now all I have to do is build the courage to say this to you: I love you, and I always will. However, true love, the kind worth fighting for, is built on honesty and respect which I have neither for you anymore. I am sorry.

breakups
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