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Passion

Stories of My Love Life to Show You Aren't Alone

By Jassper WithersPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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All I can say is love sucks. Love has never been a happy thing and will always be a thorny rose. When I fall in love, I fall hard. I hope I can be free of my constant loneliness; I learned now that I was just going to have my heart crushed and broken to an even worse state than it already was, over and over again. These are just the ones I remember the best

The first two I fell for I can’t remember, it’s been so long for me. I remember that one spilled their lunch and the second hit me, I just can’t remember their names. So I can only describe them. The first was short, aggressive and an active person. They loved punk music. The second was tall and dominant. She terrified me in a way that drew me closer. Yes, yes my preferences for people are strange. We masochists are a weird bunch.

The third is now a good acquaintance, a wonderful artist and person who I still find attractive. She’s calming to me even with her fiery hair. Just someone who it wouldn’t work out with. In a relationship, that’s really all there is to that. I’m no longer the person who was just a mirror back then that I was. Now the fourth? I remember them well. That viciously dark and twisted person.

A woman who cared only for what gifts she could get from someone. Then, well I thought she was beautiful, her hair was golden and curly surrounding her round face and deep blue-grey eyes. Her lips were pouty and the color of rose. She always smelt wonderful, like cherries and sugar. I wanted to be near her but didn’t understand myself or how to be with someone well enough, nor did I realize how horrible of a person she was. Anyways onto the date.

So this was early in 2015 when I was a freshman. I was so excited to go to the movies with her. We had together chosen Cinderella. The live action one that came out that year. I couldn’t help but be excited. She was the first to seemingly give back my affections. I was so happy. Before the movie we got snacks. She got ice caps and three airheads, I got the popcorn and a drink for each of us. I was so happy the entire time I should have had realized earlier that she was lying about her interest in me. I should have. After the movie, we went to Coldstone Creamery, and ate ice cream. After a bit of time, we went home. It was fun and I was happy for once, my constant loneliness was gone past the time I was interacting with someone.

However, upon seeing her again, she pretended not to know who I was. She did not to care about how strong my passionate love was for her. After this I fell for someone I was intimidated by (though I never approached them for a long time). They are one of the few people I can truly call friends. The people I trust more than anything. She’s short and has a motherly, but thin appearance. Her hair a light brown like the beige sand of the beach or claywear.

After my previous love affairs came me falling for someone that would never work. She is someone who seems great to hang around but is truly a toxic person to be with. They don’t care to listen and help others, incapable of trying to let others tell her their issues. Only recently has she started to change and I believe for the better. She’s short and ferocious, curly brown hair kept short, incredibly curvy, and aesthetically attractive. I wish her mind was different. Aside from that personality is just the fact that our wants from a relationship don’t work. She’s disgusted with sexuality and has none, as I enjoy my own sexuality and the physical closeness I can have with someone in the future. She doesn’t like being touched and I love being physically close to people.

The next was my best friend’s current girlfriend. He knew I liked her, but he asked her out first so what can you do, I’m not even attracted to her that much now. She’s somewhat short, and large chested. Short blonde hair and has a pleasant scent. She’s also blunt, near or maybe to the point of being rude. Yet there is another to add to the list. She is now one of my good friends, and we’ve even talked about this before with my specific interests in a relationship, leading us to realize our relationship would never work out. Even now she is in a poor relationship as I write this. She’s a strawberry blonde with curly hair and freckles. She’s still fun to hang around with though she is stubborn as a mule in her way of being.

Another romantic trial I had was me falling for someone who would have given a great relationship, at least romantically, but in the end we grew apart. The next was based purely on passion. I couldn’t help but be attracted due to their voice and flow of their articulation. Their writing was beautiful and made me fall for them. Yet, even that relationship became amiss, and unknowing of where my heart shall put me next.

Left me lost in my own head. I’m attracted somewhat to a few people, at least aesthetically. It’s hard for me to choose such a thing. The only people I have passion for are people it wouldn’t work with so what am I to do when I want love but I’m to bad at telling before another takes them; all you can do is wait, hoping that one day you can find it. If you want a moral for this story I guess it would be, loving is hard. Putting yourself on a platter for another person, garnishing yourself for others consumption, all this is difficult, nearly impossible if the feelings are true.

One day maybe I will find love. My friends tell me I will so maybe one day I’ll find someone, so at that point I guess the thesis of this narrative would change to it being worth the climb of thorns and blades to reach the golden bloom at the top.

love
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