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I no longer feel bad for not liking someone. I don’t feel guilty for having legitimate reasons for not wanting to help someone… let me explain.
Society as a whole tells us, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” The older I become, the more I realize that means do not judge someone by their looks. Other than high school, that wasn’t ever an issue for me. I see souls, not clothing. I am partially deaf, so I read body language and vibes more than listening to words. I know things I should not know about people, and I don’t have to be very close for it to happen. I usually shut it off to a point, but when my guides want me to know something… I will definitely hear it anyway.
I don’t naturally hate humanity. I just don’t have a lot of faith in it. I come across dozens of souls a day; living and dead. Every time I don’t trust my intuition, something really bad tends to happen. I become too close to people who only have bad intentions, who want someone to use or lie to. It has happened a lot.
When I trust in myself, life gets easier. I can handle anxiety and PTSD better. I walk away from shit situations and people. My energy flows more smoothly and I am able to write more coherently. I am an overall better person.
But there are those times… when someone creeps in from my abusive past. It could be an ex, a bully, what have you. It flares up my rage like no other… especially when I find out they are the same shit person I left in my past. The same liar, thief of happiness, tormentor, if you will. I have learned to play the part to protect my loved ones and me, but getting in that headspace and out of it is tough.
OK, so by now you are probably thinking… why not just walk away, block them, not talk to them, etc., right? Some people do not know how to stop. They seek to destroy everything and everyone. They want to know your every detail and disrupt your entire life (even if you ran and built an entirely new life). They take and take and take. I try to mind my own, stay in my lane, live life, and continue on. I can’t walk away if they keep coming at me, so I learned to fight back. I became the villain when needed, and it has always worked.
Now I have someone who is just one of the most horrific people I have ever met, creeping back up. She is like a cockroach that just won’t die. We will call her (K). (K) has been a problem since the day I met her. I had hope that we would at least be able to get along. I should have known better.
I have lost friends because of (K). Friends I have known my whole life; just to have to go back and try to patch things over. Everyone wants to know why someone quit talking to them or walked out of their life, it is only natural. This is the third time since I moved that my friends have found me online and I refuse to walk away again. (K) has pretty much given me no choice but to stand up to her. I tried staying away. I tried walking away a ton of times. Now is the time to stand my ground.
So this is my advice… do you. Love who you love (including yourself) and try to stay away from people who disturb your peace. Admit when you are wrong and accept sometimes people are shit. Sometimes you will have to fight back and that is OK, too.