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People Change

Don't blame yourself.

By Courtney ElizabethPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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Everyone needs to feel good about themselves right? Especially when you feel like everything has been taken from you in a flash. All of your hopes and dreams are in the middle of coming true, just to get taken away. Well that has happened to me. I thought my life was over forever. And after two years of anger, and pity parties, I learned to stop blaming myself.

Since I was 3 years old, I had imagined myself getting married. I always wanted to get married and have a family young since I could remember. And when I was 18, I met the 'perfect' man that wanted to give me the world. I had never met anyone who truly understood me deep down in my soul like he did. We spent every minute possible together. We spoiled each other with gifts and gestures. And after an alarming three short months of dating, he popped the question. We had already built a life together, moved in together, and he treated me like a Queen, so I had no doubt in my mind when I said yes.

The next few months were pure bliss. We planned an entire wedding together. The dress, the venue, the food, the DJ, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, every aspect of the wedding was taken care of and paid for. And he was right by my side every single step of the way just as excited as I was. I even quit school to get a job to support us.

And then as time went on, I started to slowly notice him pull away. We decided for money reasons, and because of my crazy father, that he would move back in with his parents. I was devastated because I was used to him being with me every waking second. I felt alone. But I started to notice he didn't look so sad.

Finally after many more months go by, he finally admits to me that he does not want to get married. We were sitting in the car, and I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. He says he is too young and has too many things he wants to do (AKA he doesn't want to grow up yet). So in a desperate attempt to hold on to him, I suggested to still date, and not be engaged anymore. We agreed and continued to date for a while, while we lost a ton of time and money on our dead wedding plans.

After many more months, we sit in the car again, and he breaks things off with me. I don't think I had ever cried that much in my life. But after a month or so we started to secretly hang out and date again. And after a few months of sneaking over to his house, I thought to myself, what am I doing? I'm sneaking around to date my so called ex fiance. I tried to convince him that we were basically dating again and we should make it official again. He danced around the question and basically told me no. So I stupidly put my self esteem aside and continued to secretly see him. I felt like I wasn't good enough anymore because I couldn't even get a girlfriend title back! I was also promised that he was not talking to other women, until I checked his phone one day and found out otherwise.

I felt so hurt and confused so I never did confront him about the other women. And more time goes by and I see less and less of him. The last time I ever saw him was last year on Christmas, parked by my driveway because I stupidly bought him a present. He told me I need to find another guy and move on. And that's when all kinds of memories came back to me. I thought of the person he used to be. He used to hold me every night, kiss my forehead, cry with me, laugh with me. Use to tell me everyday how much he couldn't live without me. So I was shocked yet again sitting in the car. I just tried to convince him that we still belonged together, but he was so cold. His eyes were so dead when he looked at me. I knew I had lost him for good this time.

I was so mad at myself. I couldn't even keep him, or make him happy. So after a few agonizing months, he ends up moving. He blocks me on all social media. I hadn't even tried to contact him, so I didn't know what I did to deserve that. Then I see he starts dating someone else. He blasts all over that he loves her so much. That really made me feel great. But after a month they break up. Haha.

The moral of the story is that people change. And I'm grateful that he did before the wedding, and not after. It was so crazy to me how someone so loving and so caring towards me could throw me away like garbage and pretend like we're strangers. I bent over backwards to help him and support him. I don't think I could have done anymore than I did. So I have to let things go and not kill myself wondering why things went the way they did.

breakups
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