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I saw this post on Instagram, like how most people start conversations, and it said that they could never cheat because it’s one thing to break someone’s trust, but to destroy their perspective on love is the worst thing they could do. This made me think about S. She got wasted at a party and kissed another boy.
The thing is I don’t think she is a bad person, she has the biggest heart, it’s just sometimes she gets to wrapped up into this whole other world of smoking and drinking. I know she’s more than just some party girl, but she did a terrible thing-which she feels bad about of course. She told me something about him, though, that made me think of her when I saw this post. She said that in his last relationship the girl cheated on him.
One of his worst fears is being cheated on and that is the one thing S did. As an outsider, it is hard for me to understand what is like to do something like that. I’ve never been to a party, I’ve never drank, and I’ve only been high once which I’m not doing again anytime soon. But she’s always made these comments when we have hung out together that really get me confused. Oh, and I’ve also never been in a relationship so there’s that. Anyways, there have been times when she would tell me how cute a guy is and would kind of flirt. I mean I’m only going off movies, but I’m pretty sure that is a big no no in a relationship. There was this one time when S, B, and I where at the mall and these two guys came up to us and asked for their numbers and she actually gave it to him. No hesitation, just smiling and awkwardness. I really wanted to say, “Sorry, she has a boyfriend,” but that’s not like me. My question is though, is it okay to flirt and give your number to guys when you have a boyfriend?
I thought that it was this great feeling to say, “Sorry I have a boyfriend” but to her it was like he didn’t even exist. I don’t really know what their relationship is like. I only have my perspective on the way she acts and the things she tells me. Me being a hopeless romantic doesn’t fit with how I see her relationship. She told me she doesn’t know if she should break up with him because of what happened. She doesn’t want to tell him because it would only hurt him, but where’s the honesty in her relationship? Her options are either tell him and break his heart or break up with him and give him a crappy reason why. Guess which one she chose. Neither. She stayed with him and is living with the guilt everyday, at least I think.
From my point of view it seems like she’s trying to act like it never happened. Either way I’m sure it’s eating her away. This constant guilt and sadness fills her heart slowly as she keeps it to herself and sees him all the time. The incident replays in her head every time she looks him in the eyes. Even the thought of this fills me with sorrow and sympathy. I know it’s because she’s invested so much into this relationship that she can’t just end it, but by doing that she’s creating this hole in her heart like black hole that’s swallowing her happiness. I feel angry at her for putting herself in a situation that caused her to do terrible things, but I am sad for her because I can see that she is hurting. Maybe it’s my own perspective on love that cause me to be angry, then again what do I know. I’m hopeful that things will get better. However, it’s like the saying goes, “It’s going to get worse before it gets better.” The only thing I can do is to be there for the worse and help her get better.