Perspectives

I was in a relationship for two and a half years in high school. Like all relationships, it started out amazing. We would always hang out, we would go out and do stuff, everyone thought we were "relationship goals." It wasn't always perfect. Within the last year of the relationship, he became distant. He would no longer make an effort to talk to me, when we would hang out, he would randomly turn his back toward me and ignore me for hours. It made me feel worthless. I grew into so many insecurities and I became so uncomfortable with myself. He ended up breaking up with me right before graduation, which broke me in the process. I had put so much effort into him and our relationship, that it felt so weird being by myself. I never really told anyone how I felt, because I didn't know how to feel. Most of the time I felt numb.

Freshman year of college came and as much as I hated it, I kept telling myself, "This is a chance for me to start over. Meet new people, get away." And I did. I met new friends, had the time of my life, but when I got the chance to meet a guy who wanted to be in a relationship with me, I panicked and pushed him away. I was so scared of the thought of getting hurt again, and as much as I hate to admit it, every time I met someone, I always found a way to compare them to my ex. I hadn't heard from him in such a long time, but I always manage to find out if he was doing okay.

From time to time, he and I stayed in contact. The times we did try and talk, it ended badly. He was the one I loved, but I didn't want him treating me like that ever again.

Now here we are, summer right before junior year of college. I hadn't heard from him in a year, making me believe he had moved on. I was spending the night at a friend's, when my phone goes off. It's him. It wasn't a long paragraph of him devoting his love for me or anything like that, it was a simple "hey." I looked at my phone for what seemed like forever, until I finally managed to send back "hi." We talked for the rest of the night, catching up. We had met up a couple times throughout the summer, just trying to reconnect with each other. Then there was one night when I finally understood everything. We were out and about late at night, when I suddenly asked him, "Why did you do it? Why did you treat me the way you did?" He looked at me for the longest time, as if he was unsure of what to say. "I was in a bad place, I was having a lot of family issues and I took it out on you, on my grades, everything." Of course there were more personal details, but I'd rather not say them since they are not mine.

But after he had told me that, I finally understood. I never put myself in his shoes or understood where he was coming from. I only kept in my perspective and always got mad at him, I never tried to ask him if he needed help or if he needed to talk. I just thought he was just being a jerk, but what he needed was someone to be there for him, someone to help him back up and to push him to do better. He needed me at his worst and I wasn't there.

What I'm trying to get at here is that not everything is black and white. Often people miss so many details about a situation because they are so stuck on the big issues and what they already know. You never know when even the smallest information will help you understand the situation better.