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Today, in the third article of the relaxation series, I would like to give you some tips on how to get through the divorce in one piece. I am not an attorney, so if you need legal assistance, please consult one. I simply want to help you get through it emotionally and physically. The emotional strains of divorce and break ups can be long and leave residual damage, not only on your life but on your heart and body.
It is important to have confidence when you walk into the court room, or into life. Knowing what you are doing helps, but being able to stand there and not cause any other strains on your body helps too. So, it is important to talk about posture and physical strain first.
I know that you have heard your mother, or your grandmother preach to you about sitting up straight or get your shoulders back. Well, I hate to say it, but they were right. A lot of different religions and exercise techniques that use meditation teach you that there is a circle in your body or a specific flow that you can interrupt and cause stress and pain, even weight gain, throughout your body. They are right. There is a specific flow that if it is interrupted can cause pain, it’s called spinal fluid. If you have never had any anatomy or physiology classes or have never seen what the inside of your spinal column looks like, I am going to give you a quick tour. If you have then you can skip passed to the next paragraph or read this for a brush up.
Those little boney things that stick out in your back are called vertebrae. They are pretty much round with three pieces that stick out that kind of make it look like a triangle. One piece is the piece you can feel, the other two are on the inside and they go out to the right and left of your spine. Inside those two are your nerve canals that go to your body parts. In between each vertebra are cushiony disks that help to support and comfort each of the vertebrae and make them each a joint. Down the center of all of this is a very long canal that runs all the way from the base of your skull to the bottom of your spine. Your spinal cord runs thru that canal and at the bottom you have a nerve bundle that looks like a horse’s tail that supplies your legs. Around your spinal cord is a layer of coating that protects it from being hurt and it runs all the way around your brain and down your spinal canal. It also holds in your spinal fluid which is a liquid that keeps your spinal cord and brain functioning. Kind of like water carrying electrical currents; the spinal fluid is like the water and the electrical currents are your nerve impulses. This whole system is designed to help your body communicate with your brain. And this is the end of the brief anatomy and physiology lesson.
When you hurt your back you know you have hurt it because it is very painful, you’ve broken that connection between your brain and the rest of your body. Well, you can do that kind of damage without feeling that kind of pain. It is a slow progressive damage that you may not even realize that you are causing. When you “slouch” you break that flow. Kind of like sitting on your leg or sleeping on your arm, you cut off the circulation of that spinal fluid. It still moves but over time it becomes very constricted and starts to swell in the area around the kink. You start to feel the fatigue in your back and try to straighten, but now that swelling is causing a problem and pushing on it. Your muscles can swell which irritates a nerve then because the nerve was irritated the muscle swells. It’s a vicious circle that is hard to stop. The first step is your posture.
We need to realize that in times of stress we seem to slouch anyway so the stress of the courtroom will be worse. The stress of life can make it worse too, so it is something we need to pay attention to. We don’t need to be worried about injuring or causing extra strain on our backs during the process. The most common time that we “slouch” is when we are sitting. We roll our shoulders forward and let our head drop. However, we can end up in a slouched position when we stand too. A major percent of humans “slouch” when they are standing, if they aren’t they most likely have already worked on those muscles. Have you ever noticed that a baby rarely slouches? That is because they are usually born with their muscles pulling all the same. Your muscles are what holds all your bones in place; it’s not your skin that holds everything in, that just keeps everything from spilling out. As we get older those muscles do their work, but we also work them, and we use some of them more than others. This means that if you use your front muscles more than your back, then they become stronger and pull harder and slowly pull you farther and farther over. With the stress of what you are going through it would be very easy to cause some of those muscles, especially the ones in your neck, to start pulling those bones out of place.
We are all worried about the economy. Which brings in added stress during your divorce and life. Not only how are you going to pay for it, but if you’re not working then you will probably need to find a job, plus pay bills. All these stresses will affect not only your pocket book, but the emotional strain will wear on your body. Taking the time to work on keeping your posture and standing tall will help you fare better in at the end. You don’t need to worry about what is happening to your body, back pain or illness during this time. It will also give you more confidence to be standing tall in court. Financially your divorce could end up costing you more than you may realize. Be sure to spend some time looking around at attorneys if you decide to hire one. Also, be sure to ask them the cost on contested and non-contested, get the range of prices. Sometimes it is better to be prepared with an attorney that cost a bit more or has had experience with settlements in divorces. Settling ahead of time will save you in the long run. Do some research and find out what your rights are, what papers will need to be added to the divorce filings and ask questions. Don’t rely on someone else, not knowing or understanding what is happening will give you added stress that you really don’t need right now. This should be a rule of thumb for life too. We should always be prepared and educated about whatever we are dealing with or going through, it relieves the amount of stress we carry.
This confidence and knowing that you’re surviving through this will help your emotional strain in the end. All the stress that you are going through will have less effects on your body if you pay attention to it. Keep it in shape. Learn to relax and stand tall. Confidence in yourself is one way to face what you must face. Leaving this behind you without the added residuals from the strain on your body will help you move forward. We have learned to take deep breaths, journal and now stand tall. It is time to start taking our first steps into our new lives.
Thank you for reading today. Hopefully these tips will help you get through court and life with a smidge less stress and strain. You are not alone, we are all here for support and ideas on how to get through life's bumps. Come back often and visit, leave a comment so we know you were here. If you would like to share your story or idea you can email me at [email protected] or find me on Facebook.