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Pick up artistry tricks have gotten a pretty horrible name over the course of the past couple of decades. To a point, it's because sites like TheRedPill and the current wave of toxic masculinity sites advocating emotional abuse have become somewhat inextricably linked with the PUA scene. It's also linked with guys who are literally stewing in their own insecurity - not a good look, really.
Yes, there's a lot about pick up that is bad, misapplied, and misunderstood by both users and women alike. At its worst, pick up artist forums can end up turning into a warped, misogynistic echo chamber that convinces men that women are the enemy, that women have no feelings, and that rape is okay.
But, I also know that the pick up artist game can be a real boon to both men and women if it's the right kind of game. I know this because I used to be a pick up coach and have seen how some guys have blossomed because of it.
Being a former PUA coach has put me in a very interesting position, especially since I was born with female equipment. Speaking as a former pick up coach and lady-person, I can say some pick up artistry tricks do work - and are legitimately positive. Here are some of the best ones that guys and girls can both use with great results.
Use openers in real life.
For the sake of article length, we're going to forget online dating openers, because that's a whole 'nother article on its own. We need to talk about the lost art of IRL openers.
IRL openers are basically excuses to talk to people who otherwise wouldn't approach you in real life. It's the quickest way to find a reason to talk to someone, and often can be the fastest way to make a new friend anywhere, without any formal introduction.
The fun thing about openers is that there's always an opportunity that you can use for an opener. For example, if you see a fight outside the club between to funny-looking people, approaching someone you find attractive and asking if they saw it gives you a good reason to start up a conversation.
Other good openers that I've seen PUAs use with success include asking someone what drinks are mixed well at a bar, what your friend should do with his hair, and what foods are worth ordering at the restaurant. The key here is to get people talking - and work off of that.
One thing you should note is that you shouldn't make up situations to try to build a rapport with people. If there was no fight at the bar, then don't say there was one. It will look fake, and will potentially out you as a pick up artist.
Kino escalation is legit.
Humans are very much a touch-oriented species, and we show our interest in attractive people via touching them. Pick up artists call this kino escalation, and it's a subtle way to show that you have interest in getting to know them sexually.
Men, women, and everyone else all love to be touched by people they find attractive. Things like tapping their arm, resting a hand on their leg, or dancing a little closer to them can all help them recognize that you're into them.
However, here's the thing that most pick up artist coaches forget to tell their students: you need to gauge whether or not your target person is actually okay with the touches.
If they stiffen up, start leaning away from you, giggle nervously, or otherwise "shut down," stop immediately and apologize. There's a good chance that you have made them uncomfortable - and that's not cool. Just because they don't say anything doesn't mean that they're okay with the touch.
It's crucial that you notice if you're making them uncomfortable. If you make too many people in the same area get skeeved out, your reputation will suffer and getting a date will be that much harder. Obviously, pushing boundaries they're setting up also will lead to bad results, so don't wheedle, whine, or beg for "at least a hug," either.
On the other hand, if they return the touch, it's safe to say they're interested and definitely are mulling over trading phone numbers. This technique is awesome for figuring out where you stand with someone you're trying to pick up.
Going in confident.
This doesn't really sound like a pick up artistry trick, but it really is for a lot of people. You might be aware there's a saying, "Fake it till' you make it."
Most of my clients had zero self-esteem, and while you can't really fake a fully confident personality, going in with a needy, clingy, desperate vibe really will get you nowhere. Sometimes, the key is just holding yourself together enough to not have a meltdown in front of people.
Going in confident for them meant that they would, at the very least, do their best not to fall to pieces if a girl reject them and take it as a lesson in developing a thick skin. It meant that they would act like they have a chance, even if they didn't.
To a point, it also meant that they'd talk themselves up and amp up their confidence before they actually approach women. Many coaches also encouraged them to get confident outside of dating as well. After a while, they would end up having some of that confidence stick.
The 7 Hour Rule is brilliant, too.
This rule isn't very well-known unless you go in the right pick up circles, but I can guarantee it's saved many a PUA from making a terrible mistake. The 7 Hour Rule basically says that you shouldn't sleep with someone until you've spent a total of seven hours chilling out with them.
For pick up artists, most of the focus of the 7 Hour Rule is that they are giving the woman time to get comfortable around them. After all, a lot of pick up artists tend to want to go 0 to 60 the moment that they have the potential offer of sex on the table. This scares girls away, which in turn ruins any seduction plans that they have.
By giving them time to actually talk to the girls they want to sleep with, they improve the chances of actually making a good connection and getting laid without seeming pushy about it. It also keeps them from looking desperate or sex-obsessed.
But, there's another reason I strongly advocate for the 7 Hour Rule regardless of gender which most girls would be able to agree with: it also keeps you from sleeping with someone who's mentally unstable.
The truth is that not everyone in the dating scene is safe or sane to be around. Thankfully, most people show their crazy within the first seven hours of meeting them. So, at the very least, this gives you time to distance yourself from that person - and keep looking.
Qualification is also a thing - but most pick up artists get this wrong, too.
One of the pick up artistry tricks with a slightly misunderstood reputation is qualification. This is a technique that has a pick up artist say that he dislikes something that a girl he's flirting with enjoys - even if he himself enjoys it.
Basically, in most pick up artists' minds, a typical qualification exchange would go something along these lines:
Girl: "I love this song! It's amazing!"
Guy: "It sucks."
This isn't what qualification is really supposed to be. If anything, the guy who tries qualification in the typical sense of the word actually will make most women feel turned off. He'll come across as a jerk.
What qualification is really supposed to be is just not being a doormat to potential partners, and not saying that you like something when you don't. After all, no one likes a person with no opinion or spine of their own.
In a more realistic qualification exchange, it'll sound more or less like this.
Girl: "I love this song! It's amazing!"
Guy: "Eh, not my cup of tea, but to each his own. I gotta say, though, these drinks are awesome, right?"
See the difference? In one, the guy literally just slams the girl for enjoying the song that's playing. The girl will feel hurt in that scenario. In the other, the guy says he doesn't like the song - which shows that he's not a pushover - but at the same time, doesn't make the girl feel bad about it.
Asking people to do things for you, rather than just being the giver.
This is a known tactic that helps make people like you - and it's based on the Benjamin Franklin Effect. Basically, one of our Founding Fathers noticed that people tend to like people more if they start doing things for them. The reason why is because we tend to subconsciously assume people will do the same things for us as we'd do for them.
PUAs actually get a decent amount of success in the bar scene by asking girls to buy them a drink - or by just asking girls for (nonsexual) favors. Employing this can actually help you appear more attractive, even if it's just on a subconscious level.
Most people who want to date make the mistake of doing the opposite in hopes that the person will like what they're doing and reward good behavior. Sadly, we are actually wired to look down in people who treat us too well - and as a result, this kind of behavior tends to come off as unattractive in potential mates.
Peacocking, when done right, does work.
Thanks to Mystery and that stupid book, peacocking has become kind of a cringe-inducing word among many of us in the pick up artist world. After all, it takes a special kind of stupid to think that a furry hat and platform shoes will work on most guys.
But, bad as the fashion was in The Game, it did have a point. People tend to get attracted to people who stand out more than those who blend in. The problem with this, of course, is that people don't understand how subtle peacocking can be done while still being effective.
Like, really, you don't need a furry hat to stand out. Even something as simple as wearing a brightly colored shirt, an iridescent accessory, or just having your hair dyed a different color from the rest can make people pay attention to you in a good way.
Obviously, things like basic hygiene also can really help - and that's supposed to be part of peacocking, too.
Lifestyle upgrades is another big thing that works with both genders, too.
The fact is that a large part of the dating scene - pick up game or otherwise - is about marketing yourself to the kind of people you want to attract. For the most part, people who are out there dating tend to assume that this means that you need to work on your appearance.
That being said, even if you are just looking for a fling, looks aren't everything. People want to choose a person who has a carefree attitude about them, even if it's just for a brief sexual encounter. To do this, you need to create a lifestyle and vibe that makes you look like you'd be fun to be with.
But, if you're going for the long haul, your overall lifestyle will matter even more than just a fling. Smart PUAs will tailor their social media to show their lives as interesting, sexy, and even glamorous.
They'll want to show off their successes because it subtly nudges women to think about what life would be like if they were with them. On a similar note, girls who are looking for Mr.Right might want to flaunt cooking skills, nights out with friends, and other cool aspects of your life.
Because it shows that being with you isn't a plain experience; it shows you're the whole darn package.
Avoiding oneitis is a wise decision.
Oneitis is what PUAs call that strange, lingering desire to be with one particular person who has absolutely positively zero interest in you. Almost everyone has felt this at least once in their lifetime, and it sucks, because no one wants to deal with unrequited love.
Most pick up artists agree that the best way to get over someone is to start talking to someone else. And, I agree. Sometimes, you may even have to force yourself to walk away from that person - or just block them out of your mind.
Realistically, no one is doing themselves a favor by just lingering around a person who doesn't want to be around them. It's hard to argue with this PUA concept, if you think about it.
I'm also a huge fan of nexting.
Nexting is basically breaking things off the moment that you notice that the person in question is either disinterested, lukewarm, or just a potential bad idea in the waiting. It's literally the dating equivalent of an auditioner going "NEXT!"
The reason I like this is because I believe that the dating scene is just too bloated with bad behavior to try to be polite about things anymore. Moreover, it's silly to waste your time with people who won't give you what you want.
If someone is a bit too crazy, by all means, just distance yourself and tell them that you're busy. If someone ghosted you then comes back, then ignore him and go onto the next. If someone negs you, then by all means, tell them, "Yeah, this isn't working out. Find someone who's 'good enough' for you."
Life is too short to play nice with people who don't add anything good to your world.
I'm also a huge fan of viewing dating as a numbers game.
One of my friends in the pick up artist industry had a good way of explaining how dating works: as long as you have a decent personality and somewhat decent looks, dating basically is a numbers game. The more people you ask and flirt with, the higher the chances are that you will find someone who matches you.
Realizing this makes it easier to deal with rejection, and even easier to deal with the fact that you've gone on a bunch of dates that sucks. After all, not everyone will match. As long as you keep playing the game and using these pick up artistry tricks that work, you'll have a chance to win.