Platonic Ruined Me

I lost myself.

I searched for love where it could never be found, and was given a false sense of security.

I thought I could be loved, I wore my badge of honor, I was someone's girlfriend.

I had to be happy for them.

Happier than a clown getting a job after the great fall of murderous clowns in 2016.

But no one prepared my for the tiny car that was going to plow over my feelings.

I had to live for you.

You rebranded yourself into food, water, and air. With one simple word.

It was my occupation to provide whatever I could.

But, you didn't need what I had to offer, you didn't need me.

Two people lying about their intentions, it makes for an interesting game of poker, where all card had multiple faces, such as the players.

Only you could be reason to walk this earth.

I was happy.

I was lighter than a cloud.

I smiled.

I was ignorant.

I was blinded.

I was stupid.

I had no sexual or romantic attraction, to you.

I was just a girl scout in search of her next badge.

I thought that you were the key.

And it turns out you were.

But only to my very own Pandora's box. I tried to keep it closed, it rested with the skeletons in the closet. But when you pulled me out of my shell, it must of tagged along.

You made me feel wanted, until you didn't.

I watched my idea of happiness corrode. You were the water to my iron heart, I felt good and clean at first, then pieces of me started to vanish and rot away.

You threw my happiness in my face.

Skipping along the bondaries of flirting and friendship, you broke me. Humiliated me. A little girl's dreams were shattered like the car windows of a cheating ex.

I whimper into bareness of my white pillow, its blank white state taking me away from darkness that constricts around my heart.

Why was I so naive? I let the fox into my hen house, I baked him cookies, and made his bed.

Why did I think someone could like me? Me? The girl too smart for her own good, obsessed with people who don't know I exist. Broken since the day I was born.

Why did you say yes to me?

Was I easy? Was I a place to rest your heart before you threw it at someone else?

I was just a pit stop. In your journey. I was the Kum and Go, and now you've found a Sonic. Someone bigger and better. More options, more fame, better, and actually liked.

I'm sad.

I'm never anyone's first choice.

I'm never anything.

I'm a castaway, from the disappointment ship.

I feel too much, and over think everything.

"I like you."

"I love you."

"I promise tommorow."

"Every Sunday, I swear."

Everyone has left me with broken promises.

Every time I see a picture of you, my heart clenches, and my stomach plunges to where myself esteem sits. Lower than my middle school's science budget.

I hate that I was so stupid. Less IQ points than my pair of black skinny jeans.

I hate that I thought I mattered.

I hate that I ignored everything around me because I thought that I could be happy.

I thought you made me happy.

I started a relationship with you, to be happy.

And now?

I'm anything but happy...