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I am shamelessly asking for love, validation, and the attention of strangers. At this very moment, I am attempting to fill an empty void within myself by writing absolute nonsense, hoping people will read my words and approve of me as a human being. I don't even have a topic or an opinion, I am just pouring my heart out and begging the world for love.
The fact that anyone could still be reading this gives me hope. Perhaps it is possible to ask for something and receive it after all. Maybe you really do care about me. Perhaps if enough people read something I write, it will mean I matter after all.
That's all I ever wanted, was for someone to just walk up to me and say, "Michael, I love you. You're a great person and I'm glad you're here." I could probably say it to myself and feel a lot better, but it seems easier to beg people on the internet for the love I withhold from myself.
Maybe if I post this on my Facebook wall I can get some nice juicy "likes," maybe even a heart or two. If I get a nice comment maybe I'll get that warm feeling come over me for up to two consecutive seconds. Then I'll write something else and fish for another compliment by pretending to care about the person who pretended to care about me.
I could just stop and start loving myself, but it's so much more fun to give everyone else that task. I'm entitled to be loved by the world, just like my mommy and daddy loved me unconditionally for like 3 years. Maybe if I make enough money they'll love me some more. I hope you like what I'm writing right now, is that wrong of me?
Maybe I'll ask about you instead. How was your day? I'll nod my head as you answer and think about all the things I want to unload on you after you finally stop telling me about your day.
Can you just love me already? I'm sick of these feelings, they just never go away. All the pain that the world hasn't healed for me yet, all the people that should be working to make me happy. I hope they get their act together soon, this is ME we're talking about for God's sake!
It seems like you're not even listening, so that could mean it's time for me to man up and take care of myself. It's too hard though, too scary to face the darkness within. If I smile and post a new profile picture, that should make up for it. I wonder if people can see the pain in my eyes? Maybe I'll play with the camera resolution, just focus on those pearly white teeth.
A knock at the door, I almost hope it's a religious group trying to convert me, at least they go out of their way to pretend to care about others. Maybe they actually do care, I'll probably never know.
It was just the landlord telling me my rent is late, again. Hopefully, this article goes viral or I might have to go back to pumping gas. Then I can pretend to care about people's days as I run down the clock until the weekend, so I can get back to casting my online nets and fishing for love.
I'm too tired for all that though, all I can do is sit here. I'm up against all the pain I've run from for so long. No amount of anything can distract me anymore, it's time to get into the grit of my neglected soul and start healing myself with my unconditional love and support. Man, that would make a great Facebook post.