Polyamorous Relationships

Let me just start by saying that I am a firm believer in everyone's right to happiness.

Whether that happiness comes from dating one person, (man and man, woman and woman, man and woman), or that happiness comes from dating multiple people (woman, man, woman, or man, woman, man, or three women, or three men).

That choice is ultimately YOURS, as it doesn't directly impact my everyday life in the slightest. All I have to say on that topic is: You rock that happiness like a medal!

Now that we got that out of the way, we can begin our discussion about Polyamorous relationships, or in other terms, non-monogamy.

This specific type of relationship has recently become a more acceptable thing in today's world, that doesn't go to say that everyone agrees with it, buuuut enough people are starting to come around that I could see it being a very "normal" thing in the near future.

As with anything different, and thus terrifying, there are many, many people who would seek to demonize this sort of relationship freedom. Especially when there are children involved.

Personally, (and don't hate me here!), I can understand where people might worry about the children involved and their mental health in this situation. Three-way relationships can be very confusing for a young mind to grasp. Who is the mom? Who is the dad? Why is mommy kissing another woman? Why is daddy kissing another woman?

To an undeveloped mind this is just simply confusing. That doesn't go to say that they couldn't come to understand and accept the situation, and even find all the love and affection that comes with it. What's that saying? It takes a village to raise a child?

I didn't decide to write this article to spew facts at you about what polyamory is, or why you should or shouldn't accept it.

No, I decided to write this article to document my own personal experience with it, and to explain a few reasons why I could and could not see myself getting into a long term polyamorous relationship.

I guess to fully understand where I am coming from I should first share my experience with attempting to find a woman to share my love, my affection, and my fiancee with.

It was about three months ago when my fiancee approached me with the idea of searching for a woman to quite possibly enter into a relationship with. He understood that we got into our relationship when I was very young, sixteen at the time, and that I never really got to experience dating women, as I am a bisexual woman, and have been very open with him about the fact.

So when he approached me with the idea at first all I could think was Can I really fathom the idea of sharing my fiancee with some other woman?

Then when I sat down and really thought about the question I was asking myself, I realized that the question was never about sharing HIM with another person, but about sharing OUR LOVE with another person.

The answer to that question of course was yes, I could see myself sharing our love with another person. I could in fact see myself blossoming with another woman, and see the both of us loving each other, and my fiancee, deeply and without limits.

And so, after a lengthy, and open discussion, we decided that we would look into finding another.

As in this day and age with technology ruling most of our day-to-day conversations and relationships, we took to a few online dating sites in search of a woman looking to get involved with a couple.

I will admit to being very skeptical about anyone really wanting to get involved with us, all I kept thinking about was how if it was going to happen, it would happen in person with a woman who perused US and not the other way around.

I couldn't have been more wrong. After searching for less than a week we started talking to a wonderful girl, who for privacy reasons will be referred to as S.

S and my fiancee started talking first, as she had stated in her bio that she was leaning more towards dating women, as she simply just wasn't as interested in men. But, ever the optimist, my fiancee and I decided to give it a shot and see if maybe she would be willing to compromise with us.

((It is worth mentioning that S is a trained Dominatrix, whose relationships with men typically stem from her line of work.))

Anyways, back to the story.

After a few days of talking about what each other could get out of the relationship, my fiancee backed off a bit so that I could get to know S, and we could see if we were even really compatible.

BOY WERE WE. We shared similar taste in music, TV, gaming, books, we both like to write, we shared other recreational habits. Things were looking good, and I was really starting to see her as a potential love interest in our lives.

So we decided to meet. How we met was a little bit untraditional.

S came over to our house, the first time either of us had met or talked at all besides the dating app, and we got to know each other better. She arrived around 6 pm and left around 10 pm. The encounter was pleasant, and we were incredibly compatible, even made plans to hang out again very soon after that.

The next day she came over around 8 pm and the three of us watched movies on the couch, in close proximity to one another, my leg touching hers the whole night. I had been given the go ahead to try and kiss her that night if I so pleased. Unfortunately I was way too nervous, and she left at 2 am without me trying anything.

We continuously flirted throughout the next day, and I even invited her over for the third time that week, she was busy that day but we still talked all day.

Then things got a bit rocky. As she had started to go back on the things she had told my fiancee, the things that they had compromised on so that we could move forward with the relationship. He started to feel incredibly left out of the relationship, which in turn made me feel like I was betraying his trust, and it felt like I was cheating on him.

He, being the selfless man that he is, agreed to let me continue to see where things with her could go. So, for the third time that same week I invited her over, to which she accepted. She arrived around 9 pm, we cuddled on the couch and held hands while we watched movies, things seemed to be moving rather smoothly. Though, I will admit that I was feeling incredibly bummed out about the fact that she would no longer be OUR girlfriend, but more so MY girlfriend.

Around 1 am my fiancee made his way to our bedroom, and remained there for the remainder of the the time that she was over. At 1:30 am, after kissing me goodnight on our porch, S left.

Before I even went back there I knew that this relationship was done, and I understood wholeheartedly why. This relationship was no longer the type of relationship we were looking for.

And so the next day I told her that it wasn't working, that we needed to cut things off before feelings started to get in the way of us possibly remaining friends because she is a really cool chick. We parted mutually, and respectfully, and I still talk to her sometimes as a friend would talk to another friend.

OKAY. Lets move on to my reasons why I could and could not see myself potentially entering into another polyamorous relationship.

Why I could:

1.) I love very deeply, and intimately, with lots of people. Not to say that I am someone who would be unfaithful to my significant other, I could simply see myself loving two people at once without one love being stronger than the other.

2.) I have been very clear, and very open, about my boundaries with my fiancee. He is respectful of said boundaries, as I am with his. Our communication is rock solid, and attempting to bring another woman into our relationship would not cause it to crumble.

3.) I would like to live my life with no regrets, openly with no reservations. I don't want to be a mid-thirties housewife wondering what could have been if I had told my fiancee that I wanted to experience being with a woman. That is the breeding grounds for infidelity, and regret. ((Again, not saying that I would EVER, EVER cheat on my fiancee.))

4.) Life is too short to be worried about what other people think. It is also too short to be dishonest with yourself, if you want to try something go for it. Within reason of course, and with all parties involved having made their boundaries CLEAR.

Why I could NOT:

1.) Life is very hectic for me right now. I am trying to be successful at what I love—writing—I am trying to get my life together, I am trying to be a good fiancee and a good friend, and a good daughter. I just don't know if I could offer a third person the respect, attention, and devotion that they would truly deserve.

2.) This one kind of conflicts with #4 on my could list, but... I am worried about what my family would think of me. And what HIS family will think of me. As I stated up above, not everyone is as open about this sort of relationship as I am. They see a relationship like this one and wonder who is cheating on who, and who is letting the other cheat.

3.) Jealousy. Yes, I know. In a relationship like this one would think that jealousy is a given, and it is. I am as open as you can be about most things in life, obviously, but I still get jealous. I am the kind of girlfriend that requires a lot of your attention, and affection, and love. It's just who I am. I need to know that you are as committed and happy in our relationship as I am, and if you're not, I need to know how to fix it.

That's really all I have to say about the matter. I really hope you enjoyed reading about my misadventure in trying a new thing. If you are thinking about entering into this type of relationship I have one piece of advice for you:

*Don't let other's opinions of you dictate whether or not you explore your own relationships.

*Set clear boundaries, and continued conversation.

*BE HAPPY.

<3