Proposals Are Personal

I am angry with the jewelry industry and their fake sales. I am furious with social media and its #engaged. I am livid with friends and family and their questions. I am mad and let me tell you why.

I once read that if a girl's (or even some guys) social media posts are mostly about their significant other, it means they feel insecure in their relationship with that person. In other words, they are not happy or do not feel accepted until their photos reach a certain amount of likes, or their best friends comment "OMG you guys are so cute!" This assures them that they are, indeed, a great couple and should continue to date, get engaged, etc...

I experienced this sense of rejection by people when it came to my own relationship with my boyfriend, Daniel, of 2.75 years, which made me wonder:

Why must a relationship be a SHOW for others?

It's somehow gotten to the point where we are all about how we can "one up" that other couple. You know the one: Sexy and cute and way too happy to be sharing food (get real). Real relationships are held to such high expectations in the three categories: Family, Friends, Social Media, within the three steps: dating, engagement, and marriage. I've had enough.

My boyfriend and I are getting married soon. We don't know when and we don't know where yet (but that's a story for another time and another blog post I'm working on!). The point is, we are preparing. The people around us don't see how we can possibly be preparing for marriage without THE RING.

I cannot count the times I've heard, "When's he gonna put a ring on it?" ringing (pun intended) in my ears at church, friend's weddings, or those awkward times running into someone at Target you haven't seen in years, and they suddenly seem to care about your life. I've just about gone deaf from the ringing! If a person would take a step back and simply ask how my boyfriend and I are, what we have been up to lately, etc, I would probably kiss their feet in reverence. IT. NEVER. HAPPENS.

Daniel and I are rather *ahem* unconventional. We both prefer homemade to fancy and might be converting a school bus into our house. Besides our quirks, Daniel and I have a weird obsession with research, in which we will mull over whether or not to buy a futon until we find a better deal, a better quality, or completely talk ourselves out of buying the thing.

Knowing that, not many moons ago, we visited a jewelry store in our local shopping mall, just looking (again) at some potential engagement rings. The sales were good. The salesman said, "50 percent off, and today's the final day." Alas, the experience was bad. The salesman was bad. In the end, Daniel felt pressured and irritated, which I could read in his face, so I quickly told the salesman, "Not today, thanks," and we walked away, never to return.

My questions to the jewelry industry:

1. If your diamonds are really as good as you say they are, then how can you have a 50 percent off, plus a "warranty if your car runs over it" sale every other week? What does that say about your product and its worth?
2. I have one thing to say to you, Mr. Salesman: Where's the romance, buddy!? I felt like we were being sold an unromantic stove more than an engagement ring.

Daniel made me a ring. It's a simple, wooden ring he made while out of town one week and we were apart. I love it. It's not fancy, by any means, but it's special to me because he made it with his own hands and out of pure love. It's a ring which I would be happy getting married in. Only, other people would question Daniel as a cheapskate and horrible boyfriend for not buying me a diamond ring. Once I told a friend that this was basically our engagement ring, she said, "You need a REAL ring, come on!" Oy with the poodles already.

I seriously started ruminating on the hurtful words from our family and friends, but I became really upset today, driving in the car. Daniel told me he was going to buy me a real ring, something cute and pretty. After months of thinking it over, he came to realize that people aren't going to accept our engagement without an expensive ring. It doesn't matter to us as much, because we know our love and what is most important to us, but our family and friends want to SEE that we are engaged and serious. They don't want to hear some talk about a house bus thing and see a ring made of who knows what plopped on my finger, and then *BAM,* marriage.

I agreed with him, but still find myself exceedingly disturbed by how the world watches and reacts, saying, "play by our rules or don't be taken seriously." It made me sad because when I get that ring, I want to be happy and crying, not for the camera and not for people, but because the love of my life asked me to be his bride and that's all I'll ever need. Not because hundreds of people are going to see a picture!

After a picture has gotten its last like, and all the people in your social circles are made aware, did you enjoy your moment? Do you have a vivid memory or does it seem like a blur to you?

of course, post away your memories so that others may share in your joy! But, all I ask is that you and your significant other don't make the reactions the main event. Ask yourself the above questions before you try to please people. It's worth 100 likes on Instagram and your best friend's screams. Honest.