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I've been a dating advice columnist for years, and I've seen a lot of trends involving calling both men and women "Alpha." Truthfully, I'm not a fan of the labels of "Alpha" and "Beta" when it comes to dating advice. It's one of those things that tends to have a lot of connotations that just aren't healthy or good.
This is particularly bad in the pickup artist (PUA) scene. People who are nice are often piled into the "Beta" category by dating advisors, while overly aggressive, pushy, and angry people tend to end up calling themselves "Alpha" - when in reality, they're anything but desirable due to their bad attitudes. This is why most people who hear the term "Alpha man" tend to run the other way.
That being said, there is a certain image that most people get when they think of real Alpha women. They tend to be ringleaders in their circles of friends. They have careers that might even intimidate most men. They're charming, intelligent, and just will never put up with things that a typical guy might try to push on them.
Alpha females, as PUAs may call them, have certain needs that absolutely need to be met when they're in a relationship. The following qualities an Alpha female should look for in a partner are pretty necessary - even if you're not the typical "Alpha."
One of the most important qualities an Alpha female should look for in a partner is his career. Even if she's making a lot of money, most women who are "Alpha" in nature tend to want to be taken care of - at least, financially or domestically.
This in turn is a major problem - at least, when it comes to men who have traditional gender role values. Many guys feel that domestic work is womanly behavior, so they won't usually do all the work on that front if a woman provides for them.
Alpha women don't want to have to bring home the bacon, cook it, and also clean up after their man eats. That just turns the guy into dead weight - and men who are dead weight tend to end up being the target of resentment in a relationship.
So, why would a woman date a guy who can't provide anything for her? It doesn't make sense; she can get laid from other men without having to commit to anything. If she wants commitment, she could probably get a sugar baby boyfriend who would be lower maintenance, better looking, and cheaper than a "legit" boyfriend.
At the very least, a guy with his own career - even if he makes less than her- allows for a more egalitarian partnership. This way, she knows that he can hold his own and also pitch in to improve her lifestyle.
Ideally, a guy who's dating an Alpha female will make more than her. This way, he won't resent her for outdoing him, which apparently is a major problem in many circles.
When dating Alpha females - or really any woman - confidence is key. This is one of those qualities an Alpha female should look for in a partner if she wants to keep her sanity.
Confidence really is key. It's said in a number of PUA books, and the fact is I can't disagree.
Most women do not want to deal with a guy who needs constant reassurance, has a bruised ego over the smallest slights, or makes everything about him. This kind of bad behavior usually stems from insecurities that he no longer can keep under wraps.
After a certain level if insecurity, it's nearly impossible to hide the fact that you resent others for their success or that you're literally crumbling because you can't handle the pressure of potentially dealing with someone who may be in a better position than you. Insecurity does leak out, and when it does, it's always in the form of ugly, offputting, or abusive behavior.
Frankly, no woman should tolerate men who are overly insecure. It's better to be single than to be with something like that, because insecurity has a weird way of being infectious and sapping anything good you had away from you.
Genuine, unfaked confidence is one of those qualities that men really do need to cultivate more often. Unfortunately, it's really rare to see men who don't need validation from external sources these days.
Real confidence is rare. As such, high levels of confidence is definitely one of the top qualities an Alpha female should look for in a partner.
A Good Soul
One of the biggest pet peeves that most dating coaches are sick of seeing is how many people think that you have to "be a jerk to be attractive." Too often, toxic dating advice tends to make men who would be otherwise wonderful partners in a relationship into abusive, narcissistic monsters.
Heartlessness, selfishness, and stoic lack of empathy aren't qualities an Alpha female should look for in a partner. In fact, they are qualities that any woman who is even remotely sane would want to avoid like the plague!
The fact is that most women do appreciate a good soul in a man. They want a man that makes them laugh, is kind to them, doesn't hurt them, and also supports them in their endeavors. They want someone who's a good confidante and friend, too.
That being said, there is something that tends to get lost in translation in this bit of advice. They don't want someone selfish; but they do want someone who is challenging. Nobody likes a doormat, nor does anyone like the kind of guy who manipulates women into dating them.
The difference most men don't get is that doormats don't have boundaries, don't make needs known, and also are terrified to walk away from a bad relationship. Guys who have healthy boundaries and aren't afraid to confront issues assertively tend to be better off in relationships - primarily because they're capable of having healthy ones.
Etiquette And Tact
Most of the qualities you've read so far seem to be pretty straightforward and should be desirable across the board. In fact, they're must-haves if you want to have a good relationship that's both healthy and sustainable.
However, this one's a bit different. Why? Because you can have a great relationship with guys who aren't well-mannered or tactful in some cases. If you don't believe it, look at the movie Canadian Bacon.
That being said, one of the rare qualities Alpha females should look for in a partner is a man who's polite and capable of maneuvering in social situations easily. After all, if she's got this incredible life, she can't have guys making social gaffes she'd have to clean up.
Notice Some Things Missing?
Most people who read this might have been expecting other qualities an Alpha female should look for in a partner. You might have expected to see things like being manly, unemotional, well-endowed, muscular, or even controlling on there. Nope.
Truthfully, those kinds of traits aren't always the things Alpha females want in a partner. While it's totally okay to be manly, there's nothing wrong with being in touch with your emotional side, or showing your support in a "traditionally feminine" way.
However, too often, people emphasize the wrong parts of things. Assuming you look reasonably good, if you're a decent human being, confident, tactful, and career-oriented, you shouldn't have a problem dating. It's that simple.