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Quit Obsessing Over Your Twin Flame

An Article on the Purpose of Twin Flame Union Without the Romantic Context

Abandon the belief that you won’t become a whole person or feel completely fulfilled without “the one” or your twin flame in your life. I promise you it’s the worst type of procrastination because not only does it decrease your self-worth, you’re also encouraging your twin flame to not take you or themselves seriously. In the realm of spirituality, twin flames can be defined as “a divine union with a divine purpose” (Twin Flame Connection 2015). As someone who is currently going through the twin flame process, I truly feel that is one of the most succinct and accurate definitions. It tells you it’s more than a love story, more than living the perfect life. It’s a calling to become more focused on the purpose of the relationship. I promise you, this isn’t some religious, radical mission God gave you or whatever you may think “divine purpose” means. It simply refers to becoming whole. That wholeness has sort of a ripple effect on…well, everything in your life. 

Twin Flame Origin

Elizabeth Clare Prophet wrote a book called Soul Mates and Twin Flames: The Spiritual Dimensions of Love and Relationships (1999). Many who’d skim through this book would find there’s a lot of religious imagery that suggests a dogmatic and restrictive view on what “love” is, but I don’t think that’s the case. Focusing on the big picture of the twin flame union encourages self-empowerment and portraying sort of an advocacy for that empowerment more than anything. But before we go into empowerment, let’s look at what the origin of the twin flames according to Prophet: 


Each one of us has a twin soul, or twin flame, who was created with us in the beginning. God created you and your twin flame out of a single “white fire body.” He separated this white fire ovoid into two spheres of being–one with a masculine polarity and the other with feminine polarity, but each with the same spiritual origin and unique pattern of identity. Aeons ago, you and your twin flame stood before the Father-Mother God and volunteered to descend into the planes of matter to bring God’s love to earth. The original plan was that you would go through a series of incarnations in both masculine and feminine embodiments, as each half of the Divine Whole learned to be an instrument of the Father-Mother God.

Don’t think too hard about being a ball of white fire conjoined with another personality and becoming God’s secret agent sent to Earth. I want to emphasize that Prophet’s view on twin flames correlates with a sense of wholeness. Masculine and feminine energies have always been cooperative and were never meant to be restricted to only male or female bodies. If you believe beyond what you see with the rose-tinted glasses of romantic, twin flame love, you’ll understand that the experiences you’re going through are helping you to become more fulfilled and help you resonate with others who want the same, like your twin flame. It’s assumed before the separation, you and your twin flame were two parts of one body, but you were still whole, self-sufficient parts. The descent to earth is what probably caused the divine purpose to get a little foggy as certain experiences helped us develop and uphold universal truths with each incarnation. Sorry if you weren’t expecting to be an alien being from beyond in your romantic story, but the twin flame journey was the voluntary experience to go through many reincarnations and showing those around us what it means to become “whole,” or in the way I’m putting it, self-empowered. 

What Twin Flame Companionship Really Requires

If you’ve taken the twin flame experience seriously, you’ve probably read tons of articles about the twin flame stages, twin flame telepathy, twin flame symptoms, number synchronicity etc. It’s quite the phenomena in the spiritual/metaphysical world and, unfortunately, I think the community has become more caught up in describing what you’re going through rather than discussing the purpose of it all. I remember when I was asked how I would describe my “dream partner,” my answer was usually, “I just want someone who’s a lot like me, but is still their own person.” I was about 12 when I was asked that and didn’t really come back to breaking down that description until my twin flame entered my life. Feeling the pull towards your twin flame means you want someone who is a lot like you, but has their own identity; we want to feel a connection with someone who helps us accept ourselves without completely conquering who we are or disregarding themselves. Even those who aren’t into this spiritual, twin flame stuff desire that kind of connection because it’s healthy, individualistic, and fulfilling. 

When you’re introduced to the twin flame phenomena you’re going to get self-conscious. You’re going to worry about your twin flame disapproving some aspects of yourself. You’ll come to a place of confronting your self-worth and question if you’re worth the loving, fulfilling relationship you’re expecting. If you’re enduring this, you’re getting in your own way. Being a twin flame isn’t preparing for the “perfect person” to come into your life. It’s about facing your imperfections, accepting them, and allowing them to help you transition into a state of self-acceptance. Accepting yourself is accepting your twin flame. Loving yourself attracts your twin flame. 

If you'd like more insight on love and self-acceptance and you're into astrology, learn how your twin flame journey will help you achieve greater self-love based on your Venus sign here

The Big Picture of the Twin Flame Union

Now please don’t go into a false “self-love” mode with your expectation of your twin flame reunion in mind. I’ve been through that and it actually perpetuates more disillusionment about your self-worth and purpose. Take a moment to think about what the twin flame experience has been described as so far:

  • A separated energy wanting to come together again
  • A mirrored identity wanting to become one image
  • A Father-Mother deity displaying the masculine-feminine cooperation
  • A common desire for uniqueness and similarity to bring fulfillment

The oneness or wholeness you desire doesn’t start with the approval from your twin flame, a “higher” deity, or anyone else that isn’t YOU. Self-love is about caring for yourself, but the superficiality is abandoned completely. You really have to face what you feel is “wrong” with you (even though there isn’t). Take your identity and your life seriously. No more downplaying your dreams and goals, no more encouraging self-defeating practices, or avoiding the reason behind traumatic events of your past. It’s more self-therapy, if you think about it. Prophet describes the twin flame separation and incarnating on earth as a time when we were “creating negative karma or balancing some of the karma that stood in the way of our reunion... to unwind the negative strands of energy we had woven into our subconscious,” (Prophet 1999). Stop believing you have to fix everything you don’t like about yourself so you’ll have a happy ending. That happy ending, your twin flame being with you and the unconditional love of Spirit/Source/God/Divine/etc. is already there if you truly resonate with the twin flame process. All that’s left is affirming for yourself that you are worthy of that and knowing it will come without superfluous expectations. 

There’s a reason why 11:11 is considered the twin flame or life activation number. It’s not supposed to be a 1+1 = 2 thing. Instead, see it as 1 = 1. One is already one. One reflects the other one and is still its own one. Again uniqueness and similarity cooperate for the symbolic purpose of self-empowerment. That’s really all it comes down to.

Release the expectations, stop obsessing over when your twin flame will acknowledge your existence and do it yourself. In this lifetime, I’ve been exploring the twin flame experience for four and a half years. I felt led to write this because many of us, including myself, kept forgetting we don’t need to wait for happily ever after. Being a twin flame is acknowledging the power to write your own story with your twin flame and show others that they can do the same. Romantic elements are there, but now we know romance isn’t the point.


Do you agree? Do you disagree? Find me on Twitter (@Authentikei) and spill your heart out to me. I'm already used to bracing for the floodgates of emotion to open thanks to my twin flame so I can take on whatever you have for me. 

Have you had dreams about your twin flame? Have you tried to astral project to go find them? Read this article for more information about astral projection, lucid dreams, and sleep paralysis. 

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