Reasons I Should Have Walked Away
I Wish I Had Known How Toxic You Were for Me
When you're in a toxic relationship, you don't always see how toxic it is, especially when it comes to a narcissist. This is a list of things I should've realized long before I actually broke up with my narcissistic ex-boyfriend. Mind you, I had my rose-coloured glasses on for two years prior to realizing these things.
1. Little Baby Arguments
It all started out amazing with you, but slowly little things started causing fights. I thought it was the distance of me being in college, but truly I knew that wasn't it. The reasoning behind having small fights start over tiny things is that you hated not being in control. You got upset with the way I walked, so I changed that. You got upset with me taking photos on a timer because you thought someone else was taking them of me, so I stopped sending photos all together. You got angry with the way I would text you back, and angry again when my messages wouldn't send. I felt that nothing I did was good enough for you.
2. The Feeling of Not Being Good Enough
When you don't realize that you're in a relationship (friendships and family included) with a narcissist, they have the upper hand on breaking you down. You took me and put me up on a podium that was too high for anyone to reach. But each time I tried to live up to the potential on that podium, I got brought back down and made to feel like I didn't belong. You made me feel like I had to strive for absolute perfection in order for you to love me. I couldn't be that person for you.
3. Tried for Too Long
No matter what, when you love someone (or think you do), you don't want to give up on what you've worked so hard for. You try to be what they want, what they need. You continue to try to make them fall in love with you again. You try to keep them happy, but happy never lasts long anymore. You start getting angry at yourself for feeling so invalidated, because it must be a problem on your end... right?
4. It Has to Be Someone's Fault
Every time we had a fight, I had to apologize because you made me the bad one. You let your stubbornness cascade into our reality, and thus, every fight was my fault. When I would get sick, unable to keep anything down, you would wave food in front of my face and get mad at me when I started to cry. If I was in the middle of falling asleep when you got home, you'd yell at me because I had left the controller turned on. You thought I was fake sleeping to escape you.
5. The Complete Rock Bottom
I began wondering if life was even worth living at that point. Every fight would push me away more and more. Growing up I was taught to let both sides cool off before returning to talk about it. So that's what I tried to do, but again, you got mad. I couldn't do anything without angering you. I thought the stress mixed with my new job was the reason I was tired all the time. The doctors started investigating. My face broke out in red patches, which most thought was rosacea. You stood in front of the mirror and shattered my heart by telling me, "Maybe you should wear makeup with your face looking like that." But you lived in a fantasy world where I had to be perfect for you. Soon you realized, I was not perfect. Not even close. You started to belittle me every chance you had. You put harsh thoughts into my head about my friends, and I started to feel like they no longer cared about me. I felt alone. Completely alone. I started forcing awful thoughts about myself into my own head, fueling my own self-hate. You dragged me down to the bottom and made me believe you were the only one who could help me. You dragged me along with you, but I called it love because that's what abuse does. In any kind of abusive relationship, one person becomes satisfied by bearing the other down to a point where they would leave the entire world behind just for you.
I guess that's what they mean when they say "Blinded by Love."
About the Creator
Keep reading
More stories from writers in Humans and other communities.
Title: "Jimmy Carter: An American Excursion of Sympathy and Administration"
In the tranquil town of Fields, Georgia, there carried on with a little fellow named Jimmy who had a voracious interest and endless energy. Since the beginning, he longed for having an effect on the planet, enlivened by the tales of extraordinary legends he read about in books. As Jimmy became older, his feeling of direction just escalated. Not entirely settled to make history, to go to bat for what was correct and battle for the people who couldn't battle for themselves. With a heart loaded with desire and a head brimming with dreams, Jimmy set out on an excursion that would lead him to become perhaps of the most cherished and powerful figure in American history. His name was Jimmy Carter. From his unassuming starting points in provincial Georgia to the consecrated corridors of the White House, Jimmy Carter's process was one of boldness, sympathy, and unflinching commitment to serving others. As a young fellow, Jimmy was attracted to the goals of equity and equity, propelled by the social liberties development that was clearing across the South. He chipped in for the Harmony Corps, venturing out to far off towns in Africa to assist with further developing admittance to medical services and schooling. Yet, it was his re-visitation of Georgia that would genuinely show Jimmy the way to significance. Energized by a longing to make positive change in his own local area, Jimmy hurled himself entirely into nearby governmental issues, ultimately ascending to turn into the legislative head of Georgia. His experience as lead representative was set apart by striking changes and moderate approaches, acquiring him public acknowledgment and making way for his possible campaign for the most elevated position in the land. In 1976, Jimmy Carter was chosen Leader of the US in a notable triumph that caught the creative mind of the country. His administration was characterized by a pledge to harmony, discretion, and common liberties, as he worked energetically to facilitate nonaggression treaties, advance natural protection, and champion the freedoms of ladies and minorities. In any case, maybe Jimmy Carter's most prominent inheritance lies not in that frame of mind of force, but rather in the endless lives he contacted through his generous work and philanthropic endeavors. Indeed, even subsequent to leaving office, Jimmy kept on devoting himself to causes more significant than himself, building homes for the destitute, upholding for worldwide wellbeing drives, and energetically attempting to advance harmony and a majority rules government all over the planet. Today, Jimmy Carter is recollected as an incredible pioneer, yet as a genuine American legend whose empathy, honesty, and unflinching devotion to support keep on moving ages of Americans to take a stab at a superior world. In the quiet town of Fields, Georgia, the sun rose over fields of cotton, giving occasion to feel qualms about a warm gleam the unobtrusive home where Jimmy Carter spent his childhood days. Since the beginning, Jimmy was imparted with the upsides of difficult work, lowliness, and empathy by his caring guardians, Lord and Lillian Carter. As a little fellow, Jimmy's creative mind took off as he ate up books about history, science, and the existences of extraordinary pioneers. He was especially attracted to the tales of Abraham Lincoln, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Martin Luther Lord Jr., whose fortitude and vision motivated him to accept that one individual could genuinely have an effect on the planet. Jimmy's hunger for information drove him to succeed in school, where he separated himself as a splendid and aggressive understudy. He fantasized going to the US Maritime Foundation and serving his country as a maritime official, a fantasy that would at last turn into a reality. In the wake of moving on from the Maritime Foundation in 1946, Jimmy left on a recognized military profession, serving on board submarines and ascending through the positions to turn into a regarded official. It was during this time that Jimmy's feeling of obligation and obligation to support developed, as he saw firsthand the penances made by his kindred servicemen and ladies. In any case, Jimmy's life would go off in a strange direction when his dad became sick and died, provoking him to leave the Naval force and get back to Georgia to assume control over the family nut ranch. It was here, in the midst of the fields of peanuts and cotton, that Jimmy would track down his actual reason for living. Driven by a craving to work on the existences of people around him, Jimmy hurled himself entirely into local area activism and nearby governmental issues, in the end ascending to turn into the legislative leader of Georgia in 1971. His residency as lead representative was set apart by a progression of moderate changes, including extending admittance to medical services, further developing schooling, and advancing racial fairness. In 1976, Jimmy Carter sent off his notable mission for the administration, running on a foundation of trustworthiness, uprightness, and sympathy. Despite everything, Jimmy arose triumphant, turning into the 39th Leader of the US and satisfying his life as a youngster fantasy about serving his country at the most elevated level. As president, Jimmy Carter's initiative was characterized by a pledge to discretion, common liberties, and civil rights. He handled noteworthy nonaggression treaties among Israel and Egypt, advocated the privileges of ladies and minorities, and worked enthusiastically to lighten destitution and craving both at home and abroad. Yet, maybe Jimmy Carter's most persevering through inheritance lies in his post-official years, where he has committed himself to compassionate causes and charity through the Carter Community. From killing illnesses like Guinea worm and stream visual deficiency to advancing majority rules government and compromise all over the planet, Jimmy Carter's enthusiastic endeavors have contacted the existences of millions and roused another age of pioneers to emulate his example. Today, Jimmy Carter's heritage lives on as a brilliant illustration of being a genuine American legend - a man of trustworthiness, empathy, and relentless commitment to serving others. From the cotton fields of Fields, Georgia, to the blessed lobbies of the White House and then some, Jimmy Carter's process reminds us generally that with fortitude, assurance, and an unflinching obligation to our qualities, the sky is the limit.
By Nameless writer5 days ago in Humans
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.