Red Flags in a Young Relationship

If you got past the first date...

Watch out for these warning signs. There’s a lot of my ex in here if I knew then what I know now...

1. Your partner’s sex drive is much higher than yours.

Yeah, it’s nice to be the object of someone’s desire, but every once in a while you need to take the dog for a walk or get some sleep. A partner who desires and demands sex every day, or several times a day, isn’t a romantic. They are making sure you aren’t or can’t think about anything other than them. It’s pretty selfish.

2. They keep telling you how perfect you are.

Compliments are nice, but endless ones are just endless. They aren’t really seeing you, they are merely seeing their idea of you. These are the ones who are inconsolable if something happens to knock you off the pedestal. Anything from a sprained ankle to a cancer diagnosis will make them angry.

3. All their exes were ‘crazy.’

If they spend a great deal of time hammering down virtually on their exes’ heads, all of them, it’s more likely that they were the problem.

4. They call you ‘pet’ names, or decidedly not ‘pet’ names when they are mad, but never use your name.

They are showing you that your name—and as an extension, you—don’t matter. “The wife” is cool in a group of friends, but not if that’s all they call you.

5. They are happy for you to take over the finances, keeping track of them, and bring them in.

This type loses their job on a regular basis, sometimes because the boss picks on them. As a result, they are free to take you to work and pick you up after, thereby controlling your "free" time and making sure you aren’t talking to any other guys. Sometimes they come early to pick you up to hang around your work and make sure that you aren't "toeing the line."

6. They are condescending and rude to their parents and grandparents.

This type knows they are smarter than everyone else and have no compunction to keep that knowledge to themselves. Any other person’s ideas or thought processes are bullshit, and if they are this bad to the people responsible for their very existence, there’s not much hope for the rest of us.

7. Their attitude flip-flops.

These people spend a lot of time changing their minds and forcing you to dance to keep up. One day they are all sweetness, and the next they are an ogre. They’ll bring you flowers then curse you out for your choice of vase. They are very exhausting and can be dangerous.

8. They drive a wedge between you and your family and friends.

They want to be the be all and end all for you so you don’t need anyone else. You absolutely don’t need to listen to your parents—your partner knows what’s best. And your friends are just jealous of your perfect relationship, so they have to go. They demand you for themselves alone, and this can lead to feelings of isolation, and actual isolation.

9. They refuse to make your relationship public.

They want to keep it a secret to make it "special," but keeping it a secret means no one else sees what they do. Some secret relationship people have several relationships, all secret. It’s a big boost to them, and a big let-down to you.

10. They cheated on their last partner, with you.

Besides the "once a cheater, always a cheater" saying, this person is never happy with whom they have and is always checking out the grass on the other side of the fence. They tend to crash and burn their way through relationships, most of them overlapping with the next one.