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Regrets

Or no regrets...

By Aylin de la cruzPublished 7 years ago 3 min read
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I can sit here and think about my life. About the good things and the bad ones. About the moments I was hurting and I had no one to help me out. Or the moments I pushed away the people I feared to hurt. I can think about my regrets until I notice that I shouldn't even have regrets. Until you make me realize how negative I'm becoming. Until you talk me out of my misery.

I will cry, I will scream, I will be hurting, but I will be stronger. I will move on to my next challenge and you will hear about that, unless I push you away once I think I'm starting to hurt you with my own pain. You will say and try to convince me that I'm not hurting you in any single way, but that may not work this time. This time it can all be different.

Believe me I will try to push you away. I will fight my way to be as far away from the people I love before I hurt them. Before they notice how badly I'm hurting. I will hide my feelings from you, from everyone. That whenever someone tells you I was hurting, you would not believe them because I was the happiest person around you. You'll think they are lying to you. You'll think they didnt know me at all. But it was you who I kept away from knowing my dark side. And I'm sorry. I do this all the time. I just walk away from it all. I fear to hurt you. I fear to hurt anyone I love actually. And I'm in love with all of you, which is why I need to walk away.

You won't let me go though. You know me so good that you already knew I was going to try this anytime soon. And you've been ready for it. I will try to walk out while you're asleep, because I can't tell you face to face how I want to leave. It will hurt and it'll hurt you the most. Instead I'll walk out when you think I'm next to you in bed.

I will stay up until I think you're sleeping. I will get my bags ready and I'll walk out of our place, soon to be YOUR place. I'll try to not look back. To my surprise you stand up and catch up to me before I walk out that door. You grab me, you hold me tight, and you see me break inside. You hear me cry and you stay holding me tight not letting me fall.

If I'm strong enough to not push you out of my life, then I'll live in your arms crying but knowing someone is there. You might think you're not helping but believe me, you are. Just by having arms to fall into, that's helping me. Having someone cleaning my cheeks from the tears running down, that's supporting me. Once I notice how you're there for me, I will fall madly in love with you once again.

I will notice there is no regrets in my life. Because every decision I made got me to you. Everything that I thought was right and might've been wrong doesn't matter because here I am, I am holding your hand and marrying you once we get the chance. I am not losing the person that made me notice I have no regrets. That made me notice I am strong. This time the tears that roll down my cheeks aren't there because of my pain, they're there because of how much you make me laugh. Our happy moments make me cry. The moments my mind notices how I would have regrets if I would've walked out on you. If I would have chosen differently on every challenge I was given. But no, here I am standing affront of you with a real smile. Making you notice the difference of this smile and the fake one I used to give. There is no regrets and I thank you for that.

literature
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About the Creator

Aylin de la cruz

Random stuff but mainly deep feelings

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