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I know this is going to come as a shock to many of you, but dating as a millennial is next to impossible. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea,” they say. Except what “they” don’t know is that the sea is actually full of fuck boys running from commitment, or good guys who have already found the one they are ready to settle down with. And if you happen to stumble upon a guy you think you might want to get to know, sooner or later you find out they are one or all of the following: too clingy, emotionally unavailable (and let me tell you, I’ve had my fair share, so I know the sea is full of them), too immature for a relationship right now, or he needs to find himself and is leaving to go travel for five months. So, after we eliminate all of those guys, what's left?
What I would really like to know is, where are these girls meeting half decent normal guys? Do I have to download Tinder and Bumble for the umpteenth time and hope that the first thing a guy says to me is something other than “Netflix and chill?” or it’s not an immediate dick pic. I don’t know who has time to sift through all of the bad to find the one nice guy, but I certainly don’t. Going to bars isn’t much better because it is basically Tinder in real life, the only difference is that instead of swiping left, you’re pushing your way through the crowd praying to God you don't run into him again. Yes you could meet someone at work, but only if you're into 40 year old married men.
With all this in mind, I recently went on a road trip with my friend, Ana, to Detroit. On this trip we had the luxury of meeting our lovely Uber driver, Mr. Reginald. At this point, I had had enough and did something I never thought I would do sober… I had an open and honest conversation with my Uber driver. We talked about passions in life, what I wanted to do after I graduated college, and then finally we got to the most important topic… Boys. "There are no good men out there anymore, everyone our age just wants to hook-up without commitment, and are not ready to settle down," I complained. What came out of Mr. Reginald’s mouth was not necessarily going to help me find the man of my dreams but it was something that will stick with me forever and is something I think we all over look when getting to know someone.
“You have to show someone how you want to be loved.”
So simple that you sort of have sit there for a second and wonder how you never thought of this yourself. We expect guys to know what we want without telling them, and that's not fair to either of you. What was once a little annoyance, or a small disagreement has now blown into an unnecessary problem between the two of you. Because, instead of expressing what you like or don't like you get frustrated resulting in unnecessary arguments. It could be something as simple as you would like him to tell you he cares more often, or, if we want to get a little riskier, you tell him how you like it in bed. This doesn’t just go for women, men need to tell us what they want as well. I think we are afraid to open up about things we want because we are afraid of what the other person will say, or how they will react. Will he/she think I'm nagging? Will he/she leave? etc. But you might as well express things what you want from the beginning so you can find out if the other person is willing to accommodate or not.
Trust me, I know it’s a scary thought. Trust me, I know. If I could go the rest of my life without truly expressing how I feel, I would. There’s always the possibility of them the guy not understanding where you’re coming from and leaving you in the dust. Then you are left thinking that if you had just kept your mouth shut things would still be the same. But like I said before, it honestly doesn’t do any good for either party, because if you hadn’t expressed those feelings you will have wasted a lot of precious time with someone who wasn’t worth it.
So, I’ll leave you with this:
Love yourself first. Then once you find a guy you are willing to get to know, and spend a decent amount of time with, make sure he is willing to communicate with you and understand your wants, needs, and desires as best he can, because he might just be worth fighting for.