Relationship or Roommate-Ship

Are you in a Relationship or a Roommate-Ship??

Here I have listed questions to really ask yourself about the situation you may have found yourself in…

1. Do you and your partner spend more time alone while under the same roof?
2. Do you and your partner have real conversations? More then the normal quick “How was your day” or the exchanges of “I love you(s)”?
3. Do you and your partner sleep in different beds/ rooms?
4. Do you often find yourself questioning “Is he even into me?”
5. Do you spend more time questioning the Pros… or the Cons…?

It can be so hard navigating through dating and relationships, heck even marriages these days, and honestly not one person on this planet has the perfect dating or relationship guide. All I can do is put out how I am navigating though life and what has worked for me and well what has not worked in my favor and boy, do I seem to have some type of luck!

By the age of 16 I found myself in a new state pretty much alone and in a new relationship. Unfortunately, fast forward 10, YES 10, years later after giving my life and soul to someone who ended up cheating on me. It was very hard and rough waters and what I had thought to breaking me down to my very last bit of self.

Now I say the word thought because in all the pain I had, felt I found my strength. I found parts of me I had never know like a new friend. I became a control freak in my everyday life so naturally dating for me was off the table, so I threw myself into my work and anything I could to keep me busy. A year later I ended up reuniting with an acquaintance from high school. He was someone I never talked to besides the simple hello in our classroom. A very handsome young man and was someone I automatically labeled too good for me and I just left it at that.

Now years later after I moved back to my home state we decided to hang out and haven’t really been apart since. We are people who get along so well and always finding things to laugh about part of me feels like it was always meant to be US, but the other part is why I am writing this in the first place.

At some point I have found myself questioning all those I have listed and more. Am I in a relationship headed to marriage? Or in a roommate agreement stuck in time? I find it rather sarcastically funny that just before moving in together I came across and article that was questioning the same things. My first thought was “If it is a question, then it needs to be over.”

Well HELLO KARMA because a few moths after, I found myself questioning the same damn things. Not only did I find myself questioning it, I found myself sleeping in a whole different room too. Nothing can make you question your relationship more than not sleeping in the same bed or being intimate. I mean shoot we are not even in our 30s! What couple, or whatever you want to call it, is not intimate at this age?

Sex isn’t everything, but not having it sure does make your insecurities come out and put that little devil in your ear feeding off your worries and fears. Zane is someone unlike any other he can be so loving and yet suck all the romance out of life. I can’t blame him or change that about him, that’s just the way he has always been (this even being confirmed by his family). Those moments of absolutely no doubt are the best; unfortunately they are ever so fleeting. Literally I mean if I totaled them up into minutes per one day I would say the grand total would be maybe 30 minutes and that may be stretching it.

Being labeled a couple yet feeling like a roommate is never an easy feeling but it is not a permeate one. We can either choose to brush our feelings under a rug or we can take charge and change our situations. Always chase those happy vibes!

So here is what I am proposing all of us that have found ourselves in the same type of situation and that is we take control! And here are some steps on how we may go about it.

• First you must figure out where YOUR heart is, is this a relationship you want to hold on to because you see yourself with them forever or because you are afraid to start over?
• Being in love with someone can be beautiful! However, not leaving someone because you may be afraid to start over after you have invested so much time and energy into someone is not a good enough reason and you should just move on!
• Another thing that may help is writing a pro and con list. Now this may sound cheesy, but it will help to put things into perspective.
• I suggest folding a piece of paper in half and separating the pros from the cons by doing this it will insure you are not worrying about how many you have on each and trying to make up junk just because you feel bad. By taking out the numbers or view of length in each row, it will help put an accurate description on each side.
• Next step, if you decided to work on things, is to TALK to your partner!
• Some men just like mine, can be very clueless especially if you are just like me. I am very laid back no drama type gal which means I don’t always let people know exactly how I am feeling so in their defense, How can they change or be more mindful to things they don’t know (shrugging my shoulders with the IDK =])? We are not mind readers and neither are they!
• Plan a date! Yes, girl, you too!
• By planning an active date night or day date, it will somewhat force you two to communicate, work together, or even have some friendly competition. Think outside the box, do something exciting! Sometimes our partners get withdrawn too because they are feeling the same way. So, by showing them love and kindness mixed with fun, it may remind them that you do care and set you back on the right track.

To finish off my thoughts my last advice (for now) would be DON’T OVER SELL yourself! What I mean by this is sometimes we continue to put in all this extra work because we do care, so it should not be regretted later. Sometimes it simply isn’t working. At the end of the day what gives me peace in a splitting of a relationship is the mere fact that I can always say I gave 100% no matter what. So, for myself those chapters are always closed for good never to be looked back on. You always must be 10000% yourself no one is really looking for perfection. We all come with some type of mess and that is PERFECTLY OKAY!!