Relationship Red Flags

Toxicity in a relationship is never something that is present from the beginning. An unhealthy relationship, like any other relationship, brings joy from the new experience together. There may be a few early signs that your partner may show, but the main factor that makes us feel trapped in a toxic relationship is how comfortable we are with our partner. Things start off great and over time slowly deteriorate right in front of your eyes. But after you realize that your happiness is fading, you are afraid to leave. Sometimes the fear comes from physical abuse in the relationship but it is also very common for the problem to root from emotional and mental abuse. However, at this point you feel so comfortable with your partner and this life is the only way you know. You’ve forgotten how you lived before you entered this relationship. You’re constantly hanging on a thread that things will get better. Their promises are always empty but you're always hoping and praying that this time they really will change and things really will get better. If there was a way to know the signs and how serious they are from the beginning, surely you would leave right? These are the signs that you should look out for when you enter a new relationship and avoid the inevitable negative effect it will bring if you stay.

1. Jealousy

A little bit of jealousy in a relationship can be very normal, but sometimes it gets out of hand and is very unhealthy. If your partner is constantly looking over your shoulder when you're texting, going through your phone, interrogating you after a night out, or blocking people from your social media or contact list so you can no longer speak to them, it roots from something deeper than just jealousy. It may be their own insecurities, sometimes they are incredibly insecure which causes them not to trust you. Sometimes, these constant fears that you are sneaking behind their back and have unfaithful tendencies often are a mirror of their own behavior. In other words, they may believe you are unfaithful because they themselves are unfaithful to you.

2. Irresponsibility.

If your partner is always out of a job, failing to pay their bills, racking up debt, out of a car, or mooching off of you then you may be exposed to a toxic mindset. Someone who is incapable of having the motivation to get up in the morning and go to work and make a living for themselves is not going to aid you in your life. How can you rely on a life partner who can’t keep a job, is dependent on other people, or just blatantly doesn’t care? This will cause problems for you later in life when you need to move out and start a family and you are stuck with a partner who just cannot get their life together.

3. You look for excuses not to be around them.

If you feel mentally exhausted around your partner and find yourself creating an excuse as to why you can’t come to their place, ultimately, there is a reason why you don’t want to be around them. If your partner is the right one, you shouldn’t get sick of hanging around them. You should want to be around them at any opportunity you get. You should feel home and at peace when you’re in their presence. If you do not feel this way about the person you are with, stop convincing yourself that it is a normal way to feel and get out.

4. You can’t have fun without them.

In any healthy relationship, you may have heard the common saying that you should be able to enjoy yourself with or without them. If your partner makes you feel guilty for wanting to hang out with other friends or family, starts a fight before you go out so you can’t leave, and ends up showing up late, texts you the whole time you are out making you feel bad about it or starting fights so you can’t enjoy your time out, it becomes so mentally exhausting even when you aren’t with them; your partner should understand that this is normal and okay for both of you to be able to spend your time with other people instead of being with each other 24/7. They should never make you feel guilty for wanting to do things with your friends or family.

5. They try to isolate you from your friends.

A toxic partner will always try to convince you that your friends aren’t good friends. You may get in a small argument with one of your friends and your partner will try to convince you to cut them out of your life. If you find your partner are constantly speaking about how they don’t like your friends and how they aren’t real friends, they are trying to isolate you from them. Your partner knows that friends tell each other everything and seek each other for relationship advice. They don’t want you telling your friends any of the details of your relationship because they don’t want your friends picking up on any of the unhealthy aspects. This also contributes to the point that they want you all to themselves. They don’t want you going out and hanging out with other people and isolating you from them is the best way to ensure that you don’t have time for anyone else.

6. You don’t seek advice.

If your friends are coming to you for relationship advice and telling you what goes on in their relationship, it’s normal. However, if you find yourself always listening but never speaking it may be a red flag. If you are embarrassed or afraid to tell your friends about your relationship problems because you know that they’ll tell you it’s unhealthy and that you should leave them, it’s for a good reason.