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Look—I know I talk about how great being single is. I whole-heartedly think I will forever embrace the #SingleAF life until the end of the world because being single is awesome. However, I am not going to sit here and say there is no way someone can be satisfied and happy in a relationship—that would be straight up bullsh*t.
One thing I want people to know is: being pro-single does not mean being anti-relationship. Relationships can be AMAZEBALLS and there are plenty of perks to investing in a happy, healthy one.
Being a victim of "relationship ridicule" can be just as bad as being "single shamed." So, as a rebuttal to my own damn self, and a tribute to those people who are in wonderful/loving relationships, I’ve created five reasons why having a significant other can be just as dope as being single.
1. No More Awful Tinder Dates
That’s right, people. You have your boo and can tell them you’d rather watch a bootleg of the live action Lion King in your sweats than have to shave your legs for a night on the town. No more unsolicited d*ck pics! And for real, unless you are someone who gets hot and bothered from a profile picture of a boy posing with a dead animal carcass, there isn't much going on in the Tinder world for you, anyway.
2. You have deep, emotional connections via coitus.
Sex is not just about orgasms. Don’t get me wrong, you should absolutely get off when you bone, but being in a relationship reminds you that sex is more than just going straight to pound town. Being with your significant other allows an emotional connection. That hormonal, chemical bond that you develop from the physical touch of someone you love will ultimately result in the big O, too.
3. You never have to be alone for social events.
Weddings? Family BBQs? Your dog's baptism? YOU NAME IT. You've got yourself a forever plus one. This means never having to deal with your uncle Ralph's sexist banter by yourself. Leave that dreaded thought of impending doom at the door, your sig-other has got your back.
4. Your stress levels are lower than an elderly man's genitals.
Imagine coming home after top five longest days of work you've ever had. Your supervisor slammed you with another task as if your plate wasn’t already overfilling (has that b*tch never heard that portion control is crucial?!). Your computer crashed at the end of the day and, of course, your autosave didn’t back anything up. Finally, to top this already sh*tty day off, you got rear-ended because some prick was riding your ass during the rush hour traffic. If you are in a relationship, you have someone there to help you unload that stress in a healthy way, instead of de-stressing with a glass (lol, and of course I mean a bottle) of wine by yourself.
5. You get an all of the time BFF.
Yes—your significant other can definitely be your best friend. Having plans with each other is just a part of your weekly routine—a Friday night fish fry is regularly on the table *obvi*. They will be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on, when you need to be called out for your bullsh*t, and they are there when you need to have a good old-fashioned buckle over, piddle your pants, snort worthy laugh.
People say you lose yourself when you're in a relationship. I am here to tell you, being in a committed, happy relationship does not mean you lost yourself. It means you found a version of you in someone else. That sh*t’s called love.
Over and out.