Lena Bailey
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Relationships

My How They've Changed

Back in the day when my parents or grandparents were growing up, you met people at work or school dated then if they fell in love got engaged and married. Kids were usually involved too but things have changed. We have so many people just hanging out and hooking up. I'm sorry but wanting to find the one someone to have a real relationship with in this hook up culture is a new and very special kind of hell. Some millennial men don't want to be romantic or man up and make stuff right when they mess up. Some men have no idea how to be the men women need. They also don't want to pay for shit. We also have online dating and dating apps. The online thing kind of makes me feel like I'm shopping for a mate or a date instead of looking for one. I think people just want stuff to be quick. What people forget is that quick or instant doesn't always equal the best fit or forever.

People also expect to feel something the moment they see someone, that rarely happens. If it does happen the initial attraction can wear off and most likely will.

We have so many dynamics and a lot of people use them to put off marriage or they do them instead of marriage. People my age live with their boyfriend or girlfriend and maybe have kids but don't marry them. If I'm living with you and had your kids, I better be your wife. I don't want to be someone's girlfriend forever. 

There's also friends with benefits, different types of open relationships (poly, swinging, etc) and kink. I don't judge, it's interesting to me. I've tried to learn about all types of relationships because people are now coming to me for advice. Relationships are sometimes a thing of the past because no one wants to commit or communicate. They also don't want to deal with baggage or go out and actually date. It's so frustrating, no don't hang out with me.... date me, I'm worth a date.

Men and women also seem more picky too. I'm a part of this social networking site where you can find anyone for any reason on which you can place ads and send messages. One of the ads had like ten very special must haves like you must have a house in this area and make this amount. It was insane. One girl I talked to for my friend got disinterested because he had a roommate. A lot of people my age have roommates, and if it's just the one what's the problem? 

Why are there so many people doing non-traditional dynamics? Some people don't like commitment or they don't want to cheat so monogamous isn't their thing. Some people have been cheated on and they just don't want to risk it. Or they cheated on someone and they just don't trust themselves. Cheating is a real fear. Counseling or polyamory may help.

Don't be too picky and don't ghost. Neither thing is cute. Also don't be demanding, that's not cute either.

Before the non relationship relationship thing started girls just wanted to fix men now they want to fix men and convince them to get married or have any kind  commitment.  Commitment isn't scary, so why are we doing anything but committing? Is it the divorce rate? Are you afraid of cheating? It is scary to commit, but it's also scary to be forever alone. And no one wants to be forever alone, now do you?

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