Say "I Love You"

Growing up, my family was never too vocal about emotions, at least not that I can remember. We never filled the air with I love yous, but instead it was just something implied. I knew I was loved, as did everyone else in my family, we just never really felt the need to share it. But I remember when it changed.

When I was in ninth grade, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. It was something that shook my entire family. We realized that even the seemingly strongest off us all can actually be the most weak. As we funneled our love, research, and attention towards him, we realized the actual importance of being vocal about everything, because you'll never know when you can't. (Oh, and my grandfather has recovered, thank goodness and the medical staff of Johns Hopkins).

I remember the first time I really heard an "I love you" directed at me. I was in the middle of a nervous breakdown, as was typical of high school me, and my grandfather came into my room and realized I had been crying for well over an hour. He held me tight and just repeated, "I love you" until I stopped and oh boy, I'm crying just thinking about that, but that moment really made me realize how important those words are.

I remember saying "I love you" for the first time out loud. It's something so easily written, but actually saying it aloud feels awkward on your tongue. For some reason, that phrase works like a muscle you need to consistently use. It was with my best friend.

My best friend now lives in California, but years before she moved, she was the first person outside my direct family that I said "I love you" to, because I did and I do. I believe friends are the family you get to choose, and for the longest time she was the part of my family that I chose. We'd both been through a lot over the years and it was somewhere within junior year when we just started saying it to one another. She said it first, and I was surprised and choked out an awkward "I love you, too" back at her. We continued this until, eventually, it became a part of what we did.

My roommate is a big believer in saying "I love you," and it was she who inspired me to write this post. She says "I love you" to literally everyone and is the most free person I've ever seen with those words, and it made me wonder why people are always so cautious to say them.

I think people often get scared of "I'm in love with you" and relate that to "I love you" and end up never saying either. I think "I love you" translates to something more simpler than the former. "I love you" simply means, to me, "you mean something to me", "I care about you", "I enjoy having you in my life", etc... My roommate and I now say "I love you" every time we see each other, and it's a wonderful thing to hear every time I walk out the door. It brings a certain warmth that I carry with me as a journey through campus.

I'm still getting used to saying the words out loud, but I want to say them more often. It's a habit I'm working on and encourage everyone else to build up too. There's a lot of hatred in this world, but I think there's just as much love, although it's often harder to hear. Hatred is loud, easy, and fills up space quicker. Love is warm, soft, and while it may be harder, it's more often rooted in truth.

I may not always remember every single "I love you" I've gotten my life, but I remember all the people who've said them. I send my love to all of you that have gotten to the end of this post, and I encourage you to love louder.