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When my first marriage ended due to infidelity I promised myself that I would never give so much of myself to another man and under no circumstances ever marry again! The heartache associated with betrayal was so strong it felt as though I had experienced a death. It was painfully similar to the day my mother left this world and entered into her heavenly rest. I cried uncontrollably until my body jerked from each breath I took. During that time, I was thinking to myself, "How could I have been so stupid and love this man so much? He was my one. I'm done."
So, there I am with our seven-year-old son and holding my extended six months pregnant belly, wondering what was next for me as a single mother. I didn't allow my fear to stop me, I moved forward in spite of it. I vowed that I would place all of my focus on my children and myself. There was no time for the lies and confusion that attaches itself to a man, so dating was not a part of the plan. Of course, when there's dating, there's no sex either. Strangely, I was comfortable with abstinence, but only because I didn't have to worry what some man thought of my appearance or my ability to perform. I sustained from sex for five years and concentrated on being a better me. I purchased a home within three years of the divorce and obtained a successful career as a software tester; my life was track.
Slowly the thought of remarrying begins to flood my mind. With a new gained self-worth and not having to depend on anyone for their stellar credit or getting my bills paid I began to have this nagging feeling of wanting to be loved. Therefore, I began dating again, but didn't have the slightest clue where to start. Several of my friends had tried online dating with no success, but I decided to give it a try anyway. After all, what did I have to lose? A few months passed and only a few winks here and a flirt there was the only action happening on my page. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands and sorted through the hundreds of profiles of smiling faces and bare mid-drifts, when one caught my eye: Paul. It was his smile; it looked so genuine and kind. As I read his profile I could tell he was romantic and also looking for a serious relationship. Paul wasn't into playing games with women's hearts, he wanted to capture and cherish it. I quickly sent him a flirt telling him that I loved his smile.
I didn't expect much of a response because I was sure he had tons of flirts on his page. But I was wrong. Within two days Paul messaged me and asked for my phone number. I told him that I was a bit cautious at just giving out my number, but I would take his number instead. He willingly agreed. I waited about five days before calling because I had taken the children to Universal Studios, our first expensive vacation ever. When he answered the phone the same kindness I saw in his eyes and smile was also in his voice. We talked for hours, like old friends just catching up. Our lives mirrored each other in so many ways. He too had been married previously for the same number of years as myself. We both had two children from our marriages, one boy and one girl. To add even more similarity the children were one year apart in age! Paul lived about 60 miles away, but that wasn't issue for him or me, so daily phone conversations became our norm.
Within two weeks we had our first date and after ten months of dating he asked me to marry him and I gladly said yes. I finally had a man that actually loved me in return and that was a phenomenal feeling. Paul did more than tell me, but it was shown in his actions. He checked on me daily, made sure the children and my needs were met before his own. He was caring, generous and my perfect mate. Paul is the calm breeze in my storm and I'm so honored to be his wife. Just think, I almost missed out on love. If I had continued believing in one soulmate and living in anger, then that's all I would have known, falsely believing that love hurts, when in fact it's the opposite. It's said that love is patient, love is kind... I've experienced it and yes it is.