Secretly Adore Him

You ever just meet someone and you just look at them like "Where have you been all my life?" Yeah, me neither until I met this guy! I'm not going to say how I met him, but let's just say from social media. We had been chatting for awhile and everything until he finally asked me to go out. I kept denying it because of how busy I am. Finally, I decided to meet him on a Friday in mid-August! Beautiful day, beautiful weather in lovely Chicagoland.

What a wonderful date! His personality, energy, everything was just right! But guess what?!?! A guy I had been dealing with before decided to come back in my life and I have a weird connection with him! So now I'm stuck in between two people. After the date, I didn't hear anything from him for days! I thought maybe my vibes were off so I texted him about a package he really really really wanted, and yep, he got them! I'm not sure what to think at this point. Time goes by and now he starts to randomly FaceTiming me. Now I'm like okay, we are friends now. COOL! I want to be friends with someone before I date them, I told all my friends that. So now the FaceTiming is getting more and more frequent and talking is getting more frequent AS WELL!!!! So I'm like woah, woah, what's going on here?

But let’s back up here. I’m still confused on what to do with my situationship situation. I know it shouldn’t even be a thing to think about, but he says he’s changed. Maybe I’m being naïve or whatever. But we all make mistakes and we all aren’t perfect, but I feel as though if I told you that you were hurting my feelings and doing me wrong even in the talking stage, that should tell you to get your act together. Don’t wait until I tell you and then leave for months and then realize that there was someone who was willing to be your rock. But then again, I’m young, and if someone can’t appreciate me, then oh well. Part of me is like, give him a second chance, and the other half is like nope, he had his chance and now there is someone else who is willing to do everything you didn’t do. What is up with men and their timing with things?!?

Now I'm like, I think I do have feelings for my friend. Like wow, what if I'm Lara Jean but without the love letter! By the way, I love To All The Boys I've Loved Before. I know it's a fictional movie and all but he reminds me of Peter and this is sad because I am a grown woman comparing my life to a freaking teen movie! But yeah, has someone just ever give you butterflies when you see their name pop up? You just can't stop smiling when you see the person's face? Yep, same bro, same! BUT HE WILL NEVER KNOW! Want to know why? I'm a punk and I don't like expressing my emotions. It's like WHAT?!?!? YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?!?! NOPE, I'LL PASS! I just don't want to mess anything up. You guys get me. I don't even know why I'm bothered with the other guy because that ship has long gone sailed! Maybe it's for convenience! I know! I know! Before you judge me, I know it's wrong! But I have a good reason. Well it's bad. Yes, I know two wrongs don't make a right, so I'm trying to see how I'll deal with that! But I do have a crush on my friend.

Oh my gosh! OH MY GOD.

A crush...