She Is Me

I remember a time when I was fearless. There was nothing I couldn't do, I questioned everything. To look at me you would have never known all the secrets I carried with me. Coming from a family who didn't really pay too much attention to me, it was easy for predators to seek me out. I remember how my uncle would always want a kiss, you know a harmless little peck.

One day I wanted to go with my dad to the store, and so I was sitting in between my uncle and father in the truck. I was maybe seven years old. I remember my uncle reaching his hand down under me and squeezing my butt. My father was next to me, but was unaware. And I had no idea how to react. I knew it was wrong. But who would listen to me. No one listened when I had told about my cousin touching me. So I said nothing, but I no longer kissed him, or went around him at all. From an early age I learned that telling never helped—if anything, it made situations worse.

More things happened throughout my childhood that made me guarded and defensive. I could never trust an adult, no matter how kind. I just always thought that they were going to harm me. As a teen I was always quick to curse at any older man whose eyes lingered too long on my body. Most of my friends had boyfriends, but I didn't. I never thought about dating or having a boyfriend (I apologize if this story gets too long, but if it helps someone to know that they are not alone its worth it). So as my teen years went on, with me having no interest in dating, I focused on my school work. But being poor with a light complexion gave ammunition to the bullies. I would be taunted every day about the house I lived in, the clothes I wore, my skin tone etc... You would think that teachers, guidance counselors would help. No, they would say the same thing: just ignore them, or kids will be kids. Once again I reached out for help from adults and was ignored.

Then at home my sister had moved her boyfriend into our home. One day I was absent from school, because I had a report that was due, and I wasn't finished with it. So my sister took my mom to an appointment, and I am home typing out my report. My sister's boyfriend comes into the kitchen, and starts poking me in my back. Just bothering me, but not like normal, and I started getting scared. I am home alone with this man, and anything could happen. When I looked at him, I knew he had something else on his mind. So kept telling him to stop, and he wouldn't. So I immediately got up, and went into my mom's bedroom. He was coming after me. I went into one of my mom's purses, and got the gun. I held him at gunpoint he tries to say that it's not loaded. But I cock it back, and tell him "Let's find out."

Right on queue I hear the car pull up, and it's my mom and sister. He rushes out and gets into the car with my sister. My mom comes in and asks me, what is going on? I tell her what happened and for the first time my mom believes me. Before she can even talk to my sister, the phone rings .It is my sister and she is swearing at my mother, and then she wants to talk to me. When I get on the phone, she starts calling me a liar. I mean she called me everything in the book. I was 15 years old, and my own sister who I looked up to, pretty much said it was my fault. Later that evening my mother told her that her boyfriend was no longer allowed in our home. For once I was believed, and on the inside I felt such relief. This is part one of my story. If you like this, and want more, please let me know..