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She Was Never a Friend to Me

How I Found Out in My 30's That My "Best Friend" Was Never a Friend at All

Some people say that friends last forever, they are with you through thick and thin, good and bad, the great times, and the worst times. I’ve had friends that stuck with me for years, and then I’ve had friends that have stuck with me for months, waiting for the moment shit went south and gave them a reason to cut ties. It’s a known fact that losing a friend hurts worse than a breakup. I’ve had my share of broken friendships and let me tell you, it feels like my heart was stabbed repeatedly.

I never thought in my 37 years of life that losing a friend would hurt this much. This particular person, let’s call her “R,” decided during a most trying time in my life, where I was scared for my own health, that she would jump ship and throw out 20+ years of friendship. I’ve known “R” since kindergarten. We traversed the hells of middle and high school together, we both thought we could take on the world. She was my best friend. She showed me kindness in a world that thought I was nothing, that I would never amount to anything. She stuck with me through the trying times of adolescence and growing up. She was that “weird” friend who everyone thought was from another planet. To me, she was my best friend, sticking up for me when I was bullied and attempting to take on those who would cause me harm.

I’ve been through heartache, tragedy, and episodes of joy. She was there cheering me on from the stands. When I got married, she was one of the ones to congratulate me. I honestly thought that I had a friend for life, someone that I could turn to when I felt the world was against me.

I found out in June 2018 that I transitioned from pre-diabetic to type two diabetic. I shared the news via my Facebook and was greeted with concern and suggestions on how to control it with people sharing experiences and links to what they thought would help with my diagnosis. “R” got into an unprovoked debate/shouting match with people who were trying to help me. I just sat there and watched this unfold, too shocked to jump in and defend myself. Now, I understand she was trying to protect me, but this was a little excessive. She was hostile and yelled at everyone for suggesting various products and/or helpful tips to help me in my now diabetic state. I know she meant well, but it seems to have backfired. After the backlash of the Facebook post, she sent me a message and told me to “hit her up when I stop listening to my Facebook friends” and that was the last we spoke—a 20+ year friendship down the tubes just because I shared something personal that happened to me and I was scared. There were moments I cried and I was so mad at her for leaving me. How dare she? She was my best friend, the one I walked through hell with and she was going to just throw it all away?

Months passed. I slowly started to realize that maybe “R” wasn’t a friend after all. Who throws out a 20+ year relationship over something as small as a Facebook post? My mind started to wander over things that we’ve been through, how she tried to make me a better person, how in my mind I thought she was helping me when in reality I think she was my friend out of pity. It’s a shame how our friendship ended this way, but in the end, perhaps it was for the best. 

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She Was Never a Friend to Me
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