Signs Your Partner Is Controlling

Love is the most rewarding feeling in the world, but sometimes you find yourself in a relationship that just isn't right. Now I was in a relationship with a man for three-and-a-half years and let's just say it wasn't rainbows and sunshine, not even close. I used to always read articles about controlling relationships, only to find out that I was in one. Now, one of my biggest pet peeves was when people would tell me to "just leave," like it's easy—it's not. In fact, it's much harder. I'm going to just share my experiences with you so you can put two-and-two together. But remember, every relationship is different. If you notice any of these happening in your love life, make sure to evolute your situation to see if you need to run for the hills, or just fix your problems.

You lose all your friends, or almost all of them.

One of the mains things that made me realize the man I was with was very controlling was the way he would draw me away from my friends. When I started dating this guy, I had plenty of friends, but as the relationship progressed, I started losing more and more friends, and it wasn't the normal "Oh, we just drifted apart," it was more along the lines of him coming up with reasons as to why he didn't want me to hang out with them. It got so intense that in the end, he was all I had, and he was the reason it was that way.

You have to ask for permission.

If you are constantly having to ask for permission, then your partner is controlling. No, I am not talking about telling your partner what you are doing, because many people will inform their partners about what they are doing, just so they know what's going on. I'm talking about if a friend wants to hang out, and you literally have to text your partner for a yes or a no—and if he says no, then you make up any excuse to not go, without putting the blame on him!

You make excuses for the way they act!

My ex was a very mean person. He also seemed to get into these moods where people simply didn't like the way he behaved. If your partner has anger problems and takes it out on you and other people, that's not a good thing for anyone. If you seem to always make excuses for the way he acts, or try to just cover up any reason just so people will have some sympathy for him—Sorry, honey, but he has brainwashed you for the worse. I remember many times when my ex would be downright cruel and I would make any excuse for people to brush it off. There were times when he was completely ugly with me and I would complain about the way he treated me. Later on, when we "made up," I would make a reason for his actions like "Oh, he just had a bad day at work." You must realize—no one should be treated that way for stupid reasons.

Everything is your fault—no matter what.

One of the big things I started to realize was that even if he was in the wrong, and I was upset, he would always find a way to turn it on me and make me feel as if I was the real bad guy. Every fight would somehow flip around on me for not supporting him, or not understanding, and I would feel bad in the end and ask for forgiveness.

He controls your money.

Now, this might not happen to everyone—especially if you haven't been with your partner for years—but my ex used to act like my money was all his. It got so bad that, as I had mentioned, I had to ask for permission just to use my own money! He would usually say no if I wanted to use it, but it seemed like he could buy whatever he wanted with no questions asked.

Suicidal Threats

This is a big one that I see often. To be completely honest, it is the most controlling and manipulating thing anyone could do. While I was dating my ex, if I ever asked for a break or we got into a petty fight, he would threaten me with texts and calls saying he is going to end his life. It always seemed like that was his go-to, and to be honest, that is one of the reasons I didn't want to leave, I would rather stay miserable than cost somebody his or her own life. But if someone is as controlling as my ex was, they will use any tactic to keep you around.

They want to know when/where/why and how you got somewhere.

A lot of people in healthy relationships will ask their partners what they're doing and who they're with just because they are curious about their day. Controlling partners want to know because, well, they love controlling you. My ex would ask me who I was with, when I got there, how and why I was even there, etc. I seriously had to do a "roll-call" so he would know I was with. If he called you and he heard someone else you didn't say—that's another fight, because you "lied" to him, even though you had just picked that person up.

You always fight.

If you fight all-the-damn-time, over the little things, you'll need to figure out why. My ex loved to jump down my throat with pointless fights that really didn't need to even happen. It seemed like it gave him a certain kind of high.

They are always "right..."

One of the most annoying things was him thinking he was always right about everything! It didn't matter if it was something he knew 100 percent, or something you'd studied for years and he disagreed. He always wanted to be right, and if you fought him on it, it was like pouring gasoline into a fire pit. The fight would never end, unless you decided to let it go and agree with him.

Final Thoughts

Now, these aren't all the signs. These are just the things I could think of off-the-top of my head. A controlling relationship is super-hard to leave, especially when you are somewhat scared of them. If you're going through anything resembling my situation, sit down for a second and evolute your relationship. Are you truly happy, or just super comfortable? Because those are two different types of feelings that get mixed-up when you're too used to your surroundings.

Thanks for the read! Sooner or later, I will make a post about how to leave a controlling person, or just any person you aren't into anymore!