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#Single: Acceptance and Celebration

Being alone is so great!

By Shannon CampbellPublished 7 years ago 4 min read
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These ideas have been circling around in my mind for the past few weeks. I’ve been trying to avoid writing about relationships and romance, but the universe seems to be dropping hints compelling me to discuss this subject. As those close to me are likely aware, this is a topic that I hold very close to my heart; that is, accepting that I’m single.

I’m going to be honest and state the obvious: I’m not a relationship expert. I’m 22 years old, naturally introverted, and a serious cynic when it comes to love. My personal opinions as a woman shade the little experience that I do have with romantic entanglements. This naiveté, along with the fact that every woman is different, makes me hesitant to label these pieces as advice. Yes, secretly, it is advice, but for now, we’ll label it as an opinion.

So, here it is: being single is awesome. I haven’t always appreciated it, but I’ve come to realise that it’s one of my favourite things in the world, comparable only to the feeling of my mom checking my hair for head lice (sister can confirm: best feeling in the world). It’s difficult for me to articulate exactly why I feel this way, as it’s a reaction that is deeply rooted in my intuition. I think, though, that what it all boils down to is learning.

My father instilled me with the need for knowledge as a child. With time, I became insatiable, flitting from one interest to another like a hummingbird. I began to amass such a strange collection of interests and skills. Though I often had lofty dreams, I never accomplished any particular level of aptitude in any of these areas. For a time, this was a great source of disappointment. I lambasted myself for not being able to commit to anything, believing that I would never achieve anything great if I continued to be unable to make up my mind.

A conversation with a friend a few days ago brought about an epiphany. After all this time, I’ve realised that my true interest is in learning itself. All this time, I’ve been building up my ability to learn new things. I’ve been writing the formula for the acquisition of new skills. This sudden self-understanding has made it clear why I love my job as much as I do; it’s given me the opportunity to use my most developed skill. I get to learn new things, and not just that — I get to teach myself.

Anyways, getting back to the point. How does all of this relate to being single? Trust me, it does. Most people say that each failed relationship is a learning experience, which is for the most part true. My own experience has shown me that I’ve made huge leaps forward in my development as a person each time I’ve broken up with someone. In fact, a failed relationship is partly responsible for this moment of clarity that I’m currently experiencing. My issue here is that relationships force you to learn because of the actions of someone else, rather than because of self-motivation.

This, however, is not what I want. I want to guide my own experiences. I want to decide what I’m doing today. It’s up to me to decide how I’m feeling today. No, I do not want to compromise, because I’m young, I’m selfish and I don’t owe anything to anyone. I’m not comfortable entrusting my future development to anyone other than myself.

This general sentiment is an expression of the security I’ve found within myself. Many women seek relationships because they are really seeking this kind of security. This is a path that has been lit for us by society like the emergency exits of an airplane, and is not necessarily the best way to find this kind of peace of mind. Many women do find a healthy happiness and satisfaction playing the role of wife or mother, and I am so happy for these women. These are important roles that I respect deeply and greatly; they may indeed be roles that I will someday choose to play. If I do decide to pursue the path of marriage and motherhood, it will come from a place of love and joy rather than a need for security.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, ensure that you are looking for a relationship for the right reasons. Really drill down into your heart and ask yourself why you want to be with someone. Loneliness, pressure from society and the feeling that you may be running out of time are not good reasons to be in a relationship. You can solve each of these problems by looking within yourself for the answer. You should be in a relationship because you love someone who compliments your lifestyle.

Don’t sacrifice any part of who you are, whether it’s your day-to-day routine or your personal style, just for the possibility of romantic attention. I can personally speak to the fact that the feeling of affirmation that comes from romantic attention is peanuts compared to the validation you can give yourself. The feeling of accomplishing your goals, travelling to new places, learning new things, and spending time with your family are so much more rewarding. Awaiting validation from a romantic partner is never worth it, especially if the source of that attention interferes with who you truly are.

Every time I try to wind this piece down I get more and more rambunctious. I just want to ensure that I’ve communicated that being single is not, in fact, a matter of acceptance. Being single is a celebration of who you are. It’s a matter of taking advantage of the fact you can be you, with absolutely no interference from anyone. It’s the ultimate opportunity to explore, learn, develop and celebrate your life. In the process, you’ll find someone to celebrate with.

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About the Creator

Shannon Campbell

23-year-old accountant-turned-author. Watch me embarrass myself while I try to figure out life.

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