Single Girls' Survival Guide to Dating

Dating sucks. No getting around that. Let me explain why. I am sure there are going to be questions on what makes me qualified to discuss men or dating, so let’s address that now. As a woman in her 20s who has faced a variety of men and women in the dating world, I have taken notes. I have studied the ways of fuck boys and men who cannot commit, and come back to civilization ready to share a comedic, fun and interesting take on how best to handle situations, such as attire, food, first dates, conversation, rejection, dating profiles, timing, and most importantly self-worth.

​So before I begin, let’s start of with the simple reason of why we are here. First, let me congratulate you on picking up this survival guide and starting on your steps to understanding the strange species of the male kind. Before we begin, let me disclose for who this was written. For all the girls who have either screened men through their friends or faltered on a first date and needed a manual written on the dating world? Welcome to your guide. I come bearing humor and tips and tricks on how to survive in battle and there will be weird sci-fi references as well, so be prepared.

Let’s begin.

Attire:

Let’s get something straight, there is not an exact recipe or formula on how to dress for a date. It doesn’t exist.

​Not everyone is going to look like Jessica Rabbit and that’s the point. No one should even try to change what they look like before going on a date either. Reminder 1: You landed the date already, chill the fuck out.

​Now, some girls will tell you that you need to wear something eye-catching, or something that shows your best feature. While this may work, please for the love of all that is good in the world, don’t do this if your favorite thing about yourself is your boobs. This tactic lands assholes on your doorstep or DMs asking for nudes. Not the type of guy you wanna bring home to the fam. More on dealing with these fucks later.

1st Step: Be real about who you are.

​Wear something that you find comfortable that you feel shows who you are as a person. I’m not saying, if you want to go in pjs do that. Please use common sense in that respect. Or yoga pants.

2nd Step: Comfort Over Sexy

​Nothing about you wearing a corset on a date says, ‘I am looking for commitment and look at my personality.” Find something that you can be comfortable in, as well as being date-worthy. Do not wear that shark onesie.

3rd Step: Think About Venue

​If you’re going on a date to a baseball game, don’t wear that little black dress with your stilettos. I know that you think it looks great, but think about where you are. Would you wear jeans to your parents wedding dinner? If you answered yes, you need to reevaluate your wardrobe choices. For the rest of you who said the correct thing, thank you.

​Not everyone is like me and wants to go to laser tag on their dates in jeans, so consider the date

1. If it’s fondue, clearly dress it up a bit
2. Parents house? Not jeans, but not that little black item for fondue. Find a comfortable medium like a skirt with dress pants. Think business casual
3. Hiking? Are you for real? I cannot say how many times I have seen people on dates for hikes in jeans. Please please please, DON’T DO THAT. You look ridiculous and you sweat more. Nothing says come get some like, ‘my thighs are chaffing and I smell like day old beer.’ Do yourself a favor, and wear athletic clothes and shoes. If you’re thinking jean shorts or flip flops, reevaluate your life choices. Then choose right.
4. Jean appropriate dates? Coffee, Zoo, and after you’ve been seeing this person for more than five dates, you can start to assess when jeans are applicable.

I will give you more of an idea on which clothes are approximate on which dates on first date idea section.

4th Step: Think about what it means.

​If you wear a high cut top or short shorts, think about the message you are sending. If you want to send the message “I know not, father, and am open for service” by all means wear the daisy dukes and bra on a date.

​Now I can hear some of you actually shaking your heads reading that. Maybe you are saying “but that doesn’t always mean that” or “I should be able to wear what I want on a date and not be worried that he thinks I am just a piece of meat for his gratification.” To those women, I say, while that may be true, doesn’t mean that men agree with you.

​Men see that and then all the intelligence leaves their brain and goes south for the viewing party. Sorry to burst that bubble. Do yourself a favor, save that for date night with your girlfriends not for the man.