Single Lyf

Being a 21-year-old basic white girl who is more single than a Pringle, naturally, I am on Tinder. Here is my ultimate guide to Tinder boys from a straight and female perspective, who to stay away from, and who is actually worth replying to (which is pretty much no one).

1. The Fake Accounts

While scrolling through you may come across someone who is freakishly hot. Their photos are taken all over the world, their bod is second to none, and the picture quality is just fab. So, of course, this is an account where you want to click on to see their bio, your common Facebook interests, and their Instagram account... until you find they have no bio, no common interests, and no Instagram account linked. THIS IS A FAKE ACCOUNT, LADIES. Very desperate coming from whichever perv is using someone else’s photos. Also extremely disappointing that your future husband turns out to be a famous Australian surfer who’s just had their photos nicked.

2. Bio Boys

Credit to these guys, they’ve bothered to read your bio (which I rarely do for them) and they picked something out in it to comment on. This could be if you’ve written what music you’re in to or what sport you play, or in my case the fact that I vom at ab mirror selfies. This means the message is personal, and although I don’t find the conversation lasts, they’ve made an effort so kudos to them.

3. GIF Guys

These boys just send one message and one message only: a gif. When gifs first came out I thought it was rather funny, but there’s only so much you can take of a bear rubbing its booty at you or Homer Simpson blowing you a kiss. I tend to ignore these messages now.

4. Straight 👏🏻 to 👏🏻 the 👏🏻 Point

These guys don’t faff around. It’ll be a simple “wanna fuck” or “fwb?” If you don’t answer within a certain time frame or you say nah, they will usually unmatch you, making it clear they’re only using the app for one thing. I admire the fact they don’t beat around the bush or try and lead you on with a couple of dates at Nando’s before they fuck and chuck, but this particular category of men are not really for me.

5. Say cheese.

I find this type of guy is disappearing as I age, but I’ve had Tinder on and off since I was 16 and they were definitely more of a thing back then. These, of course, are the classic cheesy pick up liners. Boys, why do you still do this?! The amount of times I’ve fallen from heaven is getting a bit out of hand. It’s dull, it’s cringe, it’s not worth a reply. Sorry.

6. Boring

So as you may have sussed, I get bored easily on Tinder, I don’t answer many messages, and I never start any either. However, this type of message has got to be at the top of the list for most boring opening lines. “Hey xx” is not going to make me remember you. You won’t stand out from the crowd, hun. These simple greetings like hello or how are you are just bland af. I appreciate you not being creepy and keeping it normal, but you need to try harder if you want a reply.

7. Your Mates

Whether or not I think you’re hot, if you’re my mate I’ll match you for bants. Or if I went to school with you but didn’t really know you, I’ll still swipe right just to see if you do the same for me. It can be funny, amusing, or sometimes just awkward (especially if it’s your ex’s best friend drunk messaging you about your 🍑). It’s a bit of fun but nothing more than that.

8. People who create a new account, after account, after account...

I’ve had the same account since I was 16; it’s just that the app hasn’t always been installed on my phone. I totally get making a new account and starting afresh, maybe after a breakup. But there are some lads who make a new account at least once a week. Why do you do this?!?! I’m still going to swipe left! If you’re bored of the bunch of girls you’re talking to (or not talking to), unmatch them! There is no need to create new accounts every flipping week and clog up my homepage. Please, boys. Don’t be this guy.

9. DM Sliders

These guys are unsettling. They slide into your DMs, usually on Insta but I have had message requests on FB as well; but before you’ve even matched them. Usually they’ll say it’s because their “Tinder isn’t working” or “phone is broken.” Like, no. Message me on Tinder. If we hit it off we’ll then progress to talk on other forms of social media. Don’t assume I’ll swipe right if we haven’t matched yet. Ugh. Top tip: don’t include your SC in your bio, ladies, unless you want them sending random snaps, sometimes not always of their face...

10. Potential Boo

Good news! Tinder isn’t always full of fakes, pervs, or boys more dull than celery. These boys will message something interesting, or they’ll catch your eye for another reason, or maybe it’s just a good vibe you get from them. These conversations you actually want to reply to and you look forward to their reply. Yay! You’ll start to chat on maybe SC or get their number. Go on a few dates, even. For me this is as far as it’s gone, cute but short-lived, and I’m fine with that. But I have a few friends who are in lovely relationships with guys they met on Tinder and it just makes me so happy. Yes, Tinder can be sleazy or unamusing, but sometimes it can bring people together who really click and go on to have an amazing relationship. If you’re looking to get a relationship out of Tinder, don’t give up, girls, because there’s still hope! (You just need to go through a lot of filtering.)