Humans logo

Single? Okay

Ideas on How to Become Comfortably Single

By Anika WillisPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
Like

Less than a year ago, I got out of a really toxic relationship. I admit, that toxicity went both ways—we were both cruel to each other and probably should never have started dating in the first place—but despite that, it was a really difficult breakup for me. She'd cut it off a week before I found out I was being forced to leave the university I was attending and move back home to my family due to some issues that had been going on for a while. It was good that I left, but it took me months to come to terms with the fact that I was single.

So how? I didn't know many people who had gone through anything like I had, and the few who understood the pain I was in didn't talk about it much. So I had to figure it out on my own. And I did. I learned what I need to to feel comfortable being myself, being single. Here are some of the things I learned that helped me be comfortably single:

  1. Honesty is important. Not only with others, but also with yourself. For weeks, I refused to accept that I might have been part of the reason my relationship was so toxic. However, upon reflection, I realized that there were things that she tried to tell me that I simply didn't want to listen to when we were together. Once I was able to accept those flaws, I was able to start to change them.
  2. "Dates" don't have to be with someone. Some of the best moments in my life recently have been when I take myself out to dinner, or on a walk, or something that might look a lot like a date—by myself. Yeah, it can feel uncomfortable at first, but I, for one, quickly learned that taking care of yourself easily includes treating yourself to things you might do as a date.
  3. Being somewhere with someone does not always have to equal a date. Yeah, it may seem like being alone with another person... anywhere in public really, always has to feel like a "date"—that doesn't have to be the vibe. I have several friends who I really only ever see on a one-on-one basis, and I often feel like it seems like we're dating when that's really not how it is. Friends are important! And it's important to be able to be with people without being awkward—so if you find yourself finding one-on-one time with people difficult, try and think of your hangouts as just that—hangouts—and it will help make it less awkward.
  4. Accept people how they are. People are weird. I know I'm weird, too. I have a lot of quirks that I try to hide from people because I'm really self-conscious, but I've found that the only way I've been able to really become close to people, especially since I came home, is to be willing to accept everything that I learn about new people—even when those things seem negative. I've made my current best friend that way—doing so helped me find a lot of things I have in common with him, and we have been able to open up more as we know we both accept each other exactly as we are, and are willing to help each other become what we want to become.
  5. Don't expect too much of yourself. If you find yourself trying to do things you're really uncomfortable with, try and slow down. One thing that I have had difficulty with has been getting back into dating. I've been on a few dates, and I'm on like two dating apps, but I quickly realized that rushing into a relationship I'm not ready for would be terrible for my mental health, so I'm taking it one step at a time and doing things that won't kill me.
  6. Find things that make you happy. I feel like this is the most important one, if anything because I've relied on this a lot the last few months. At the end of the day, you need to find things to make you feel better with yourself—and those things can be big, or they can be small. One thing I do in particular is to keep the sunroof open in my car as much as I can, because having more light generally helps me feel happier throughout the day. I'm also listening to audiobooks of my favorite books because I want to read, but I don't have the time to actually sit down and read a book. It can also include finding a new job that you like, changing decorations in your house or apartment, or just finding some new fun song to listen to.

Learning to be single can be difficult. You have to learn to be comfortable without having someone there all the time, and that can take time. But it is doable. It will get better, and if you take tips like these, it will help you get better faster than you might otherwise.

advice
Like

About the Creator

Anika Willis

Hi everyone! I'm here, writing about things I enjoy and honing my writing as I do so. Enjoy my articles!

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.