Six Ways/Steps to Deal With Difficult People

If you’re like me, you have probably had a run-in with people that either just rub you the wrong way or aren’t easy to get a long with period. And that’s okay. There are going to be times when it’s hard to get a long with people, and likewise, times when no matter how hard you try, someone just refuses to even try to get a long with you. So, here are some ways to deal with this dilemma (you might even be able to use this as a step by step guide).

1. Realize that you yourself have been that person

It’s very easy to be all high and mighty and tell yourself and others that this person is just impossible to deal with and that you would have never behaved in such a way. And that might be how you see it, but remember that you are human and have slipped up at times as well. I know that I personally have been that person towards other people, so keeping this in mind helps me eliminate a self-righteous point of view.

2. Try to understand

You never know what someone is going through, so it may be best to try to understand. For example, if I’m hanging out with one of my friends but they’re not particularly in a good mood, one thing I can do is ask how their day was or if they’re okay. And the answer could be that they’re having a hard time. The truth is, we’ve all had our bad days, and chances are, if you’re reading this, you’ve probably exploded at least once on someone undeserving. Does a bad day give one license to treat others any old way? Of course not. But sometimes people just need to feel heard before they can rationalize their own behaviors.

3. Set boundaries

Whether you’ve failed or succeeded at trying to understand the other person’s situation, this tip is super important. Setting boundaries is an aspect of relationships that cannot be compromised, no matter how close you are with someone. After you’ve tried to understand this person, I highly recommend making it clear how you are to be treated. For instance, if that friend of mine decides to yell at or insult me, I need to lay down the law and say, “I understand you’re having a hard time, but I’m not okay with you speaking to me like that. We can talk about this when we are both calm.” Again, I cannot stress enough how important it is to be clear about your boundaries.

4. Bring in an unbiased third party

There comes a point in conflict when it seems like someone has done everything possible to deal with someone's difficult behavior, so sometimes it may be best to bring in a third person who will remain neutral. In my hypothetical scenario, I may have reached the end of my rope with that one friend. So, I might want to bring in a friend who I know will be unbiased to help me work it out with them. In other cases, like the work space, that could mean the boss, or another employee. In religious groups, some people tend to bring in the spiritual leader.

5. Walk away

When you’ve done everything you thought possible, sometimes it is best to just walk away. In my scenario with my friend, I would probably just let them have their space. In less personal scenarios, like the workforce, number four would probably be best. And you may even want to leave it completely up to the leader of that organization. Same goes for religious groups; if someone has wronged you and they refuse to resolve it, you can just walk away or leave them to deal with their own consequences, because sometimes that’s all you can do.

6. Forgive

Yes it’s difficult to move on, but bitterness is by far probably the worst way to deal with a difficult person, because in a way, that’s a result of letting them get the best of you. Being unforgiving in any situation will hold you back, because think of what you’re giving up when you hold on to your hurt feelings. It literally costs you your happiness. You’re letting them win by staying mad at them even though, yes, their behavior towards you may have been out of line. Sometimes, not forgiving someone can come in the form of rehearsing their behavior in your mind over and over again, which can become intrusive. So, it’s best to not let their actions get you down, and choose to be happy regardless.

Dealing with someone's difficult behavior can be a daunting task, but hopefully these tips/steps will at the very least give someone out there some direction for situations such as this.