Social Media, Dictating Relationships

One morning in my unplanned barely-awake stupor, I found myself browsing Facebook on my phone only to come across of bevy of articles explaining how I should feel about my relationships. Everything about how to bond with my siblings, what men need to learn about women and even if it was time to break up with my BFF.

Although I am sure the authors of these articles feel they are helping, I can't help but to think that they hinder. For example "12 Signs It Might be Time for a Bestie Breakup." which admittedly, is on one of my favourite blog sites (Zooey Deschannel's hellogiggles.com) in this article I was comforted by reading "not all friendships are meant to last forever" being someone who struggles with friends. It told me that it is overwhelmingly time for a "bestie breakup" which really toyed with how I, the one with the friendship, felt.

Now perhaps it is true—but why would I let someone else, someone I don't know decide the outcome of my relationship? The reality at the time was that I just graduated, moved, and started a new job. I was under a great amount of stress and financial woes (calculating the amount of debt you're in from school is never a fun chore). I was rushing around not only trying to pay rent and eat, but also figure out how to get on top of my debt, pay my bills and have a steady income for my future. Because I, as well as said "bestie" were focusing on these important life-skills and goals as opposed to gossiping about love lives and socials, did it mean we needed to discontinue our friendship? I don't think so, but according to this article it did.

At the time I started my never ending pattern of over-thinking, I was under the impression that the divorce rate had been increasing and truthfully I thought perhaps our society's addiction to cellphones, and even articles like this could have been the culprit; thinking that perhaps "too much of a good thing" could be a relationship killer. I had a theory that we were able to "spy" too easily. That privacy was an entirely new ball game and the ability to constantly connect would cause us to put up barriers and be more distant. However to my pleasant surprise, at least in Canada this simply isn't true. I found that the peak of the divorce rate was in 1980 (however there is only a minuscule difference between then and now; varying between 37-41 percent).

When I found the information about divorce rates on cbc.ca, beside it was a list of the top eight reasons for marriage. No where in this list did I read the word "love," with the number one reason being the representation of commitment, number four was "it's the natural thing to do" (I won't even touch on my feelings towards that statement right now) but what really shook me were reasons seven, and eight; "pressure from family" and "pressure from friends." What happened to the sanctity of marriage; is it not meant to be about both parties being in love and wanting to be together forever.

I wonder if perhaps there's an article out there "13 Signs It's Time To Get Married," where the results of course determine your future - "look honey, I read a thing and it's time to go ring shopping!" This should be a choice that is made between you and your partner. Through conversation, planning and perhaps exploration of the relationship.

This all leads back perhaps to bitter taste I had in my mouth after seeing an article months ago that outlined the signs of your significant other being in love with you. I was appalled; although I am sure my boyfriend at the time would have never read the article—if he did—he wouldn't come to the conclusion that I loved him; even though I was under the impression that I did—very much. We all show affection and caring in different ways, similar to how no two snowflakes are alike. I think simply, my issue is this: If you need to read an article, or take a quiz to help you decide what to do in your relationship are you really in the best relationship for you? Moreover, what happened to the magic of discovering relationships on our own?

I understand that this is a generation that is now seemingly reliant on social media acceptance, but I have to ask where is the line that makes it your own relationship, or one that belongs only to a world around you and them?

Resources used:

• gov.on.ca
• cbc.ca
• hellogiggles.com
• facebook.com
• keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk