‘Someone Less Particular’

Someone less particular? Sounds easy, right?

When you’ve found what seems (on the surface) to be the perfect person but as the old saying goes ‘nothing is as it seems.’

So what do you do when things start to go wrong? Ask your friends? Consult Google? Keep it to yourself? Or end up reading an article about self worth, much like this one.

Little by little I started noticing teeny tiny things, things that would annoy me for hours, days, weeks yet my partner was either blind or very naive.

Let me tell you this.

DO NOT LET ANYBODY DECIDE HOW YOU FEEL.

People don’t get to decide whether you should be upset, angry, happy, excited etc. about something.

When I started to notice the tiny things, I would often keep them kempt for weeks until I burst but upon bursting, my partner would dismiss the feelings— as if I was in the wrong for feeling them.

That is not right. Period.

You see, I struggled for days, weeks, and months with my thoughts and feelings towards him, the more I thought about it, the more I realised how much the tiny things bothered me. I wasn’t entirely sure if the tiny things bothered me the most or the dismissal of feelings.

It got to the point where I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t make plans with my friends, without him inviting himself.

I couldn’t go to the shop without being asked where I was going and when I would be home.

Heck, I couldn’t even be at work without messaging him back ASAP.

At this point, I found myself thinking ‘I’d like somebody less particular’ but then I would catch myself, in the same breath, feeling horrible for thinking like that— but is it my fault? Or did he reprogram the way I was thinking and I genuinely didn’t feel like that?

I’d already taken on this man, his baggage and his child — provided them a home and financial support. All whilst completing a degree and working a 60 hour week.

We are put on this planet for reproduction and to find companionship, but when do you truly know if things will get better? When do you decide if enough is enough or to keep trying...

The question is, is there someone less particular or am I the one who needs to be less particular?

For now,

Aim x