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The Realization That He Could Be the One

"You put your arms around me and I'm home"- Arms by Christina Perri

In a society that capitalizes on hooking up, believing in the idea of soulmates can be quite difficult. Is there such thing as a soulmate? Is love at first sight just a farce? Questions we all ask ourselves during out single states, but when we meet that one person who makes our heart flutter, we start questioning if maybe our bitter ideas on love are wrong. Now, we might go through a few breakups, or maybe even quite a few, but the cycle is the same. A guy or girl makes our hearts flutter. That leads to dating and intimacy, and then you either end up happily ever after or you break up. That brings up the same bitter ideas on love...well that is until the next guy or girl comes along. The question remains: How will we know when we've met the one? 

I'm only 23 and I'm not an expert on love, but I'm a romantic, I read Shakespeare, and I'm a Libra. I love the idea of love. However, it seemed love didn't quite like me. My longest relationship was about a year long. I started developing feelings for my friend's cousin back in high school, though we didn't start dating until my senior year. That relationship lasted only about a year though. He turned emotionally abusive and it was a toxic relationship. This was my first love. Someone I thought I was meant to be with. I was crushed. My heart shattered, and I thought I was done for.

After that, I started liking dweeb after dweeb and even dated a few of them. I seriously was in a rut but used it as a protector. As long as I wasn't vulnerable to anyone, my heart was safe. I pushed the thought of a fairy-tale ending out of my mind and developed this toxic idea of what love was. I was sure that I was doomed to live my life single and alone. I thought no one could love me. That I wasn't meant to find true love. 

That feeling stayed with me for a good while. I became bitter and bitchy in general. It wasn't until I lost my virginity to a total loser that I realized that I did want love, but I had to stop looking in all the wrong places. 

You can't squeeze a turd and make it a diamond. 

So I stopped looking and dating around. I told myself and others that if God meant for me to be with someone, then he would come to me. That if I did have a soulmate out there, that soulmate had to find me. I was done with the searching and just getting heartbroken. 

Little did I know that a week after my stance was made, that very soulmate I was waiting for would fall in my lap (figuratively, of course). A neighbor of mine was planning a date with a guy she liked. A guy I said had to impress me first, and in his efforts to get to know me and impress me, he came up with the idea to do a double date. He invited his work friend thinking at most I would make a really cool friend. He was a nerd like me; gamed, and cosplayed, and he's originally from Britain. I was down to make a friend. What I wasn't expecting was for this boy to completely take my breath away. 

He was funny, cute, nerdy, but hard working all the same. His personality was close to that of my brother's. The thing that shocked me is for some odd reason, this boy thought I was beautiful. Not just cute or pretty, but beautiful, and he liked me. It took a total of dating two weeks, and before I knew it, I was gone. I had never fallen so fast for someone and yet felt so safe. That was back in September. 

Fast-forward to today. We've been dating for six months now and he completely rocks my world. I fall more and more in love with him every day. He sees me for me and loves me for everything I am. All my imperfections and goofy traits are cherished for once.

But Katelynn, how do you know he is your soulmate?

I came to this realization only about two weeks ago. We had a small disagreement and as I sat on my bed crying the only thing I could think about was making it right with him. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. Not because I was afraid of being single or lonely, but rather because I was afraid of losing a love I didn't think I deserved. He takes care of me. He kisses me like I'm the most important thing to him. His touch, how he holds me and smiles at me. The way he says I love you. 

I realized that I wasn't afraid of losing all those other past boyfriends. I was just afraid of being alone. With Ian, I'm not afraid of being alone. I know I'm not truly alone. He's in my heart, my mind, and my soul. If anything I'm terrified of losing him and never knowing a love as pure and true as our love. 

That was the moment I realized that Ian was, in fact, my soulmate, and the person I'm meant to be with. 

Katelynn Barnes
Katelynn Barnes

Honestly, I don't figure I'll be here much. My mental health is at a low, my family has since been hit with devastating news, and to be honest...I'm not really seeing the results I expected. So I'm walking away for a bit to focus on me...

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