Sowing Seeds of Love

The picture above is courtesy of my wife who made this as a poster for an event we are planning in our town. Over the past 10 years, I've been working as an addiction and mental health counselor with a focus on helping people develop authentic spirituality and self-awareness. My work touches on a concept that is often talked about but thus far seldom practiced: learning to love ourselves and bringing our focus to cultivating a positive relationship with who we are, right now.

When we think of falling in love, finding 'the one,' longing for a happy relationship and so on, we are always imagining people outside of ourselves giving us something we feel we are missing. This work turns that around and suggests that everyone already has a seed of self-love within that merely needs to be nurtured and cultivated over time. Once the love flowers within ourselves, we will be in a much better place to attract a healthy relationship that reflects the personal/spiritual evolution that we are undertaking.

To bring this to the idea of addiction and codependency, we are all familiar with what happens when two unhappy people try to find fulfillment in one another. After the high of the initial infatuation, the pain that they are not dealing with is simply mirrored and reflected back and forth. They then go on to seek another relationship until they get so frustrated that they are forced to look at themselves and begin their own healing process. As people do the inner work on themselves, they increase their chances of attracting someone who is equally conscious and also moving forward in this way.

The same is true in family dynamics, where codependent webs are often woven which keep people stuck in dysfunctional patterns rather than being able to empower each family member to reach their highest potential. For example, many people have told me that they feel their parents are smothering them, demanding attention and obedience long after they have moved out. When they try to confront their parents about this, they are met with deflection, minimization, justification and so. Often this is reinforced by phrases like "we're only acting this way because we love you."

When these codependent issues are being acted out, people are often very frustrated and can be more open to the idea of dealing with their own stuff rather than trying to fix long-standing family patterns. Interestingly enough, I have observed in my own life as well as with clients that as we stop feeding into these patterns and focus on ourselves it can have positive effects on family members as well. It is as though the world begins to respond to our intention towards greater self-love and awareness.

In terms of addictive behaviors, there is no shortage of distractions and ways of finding temporary pain relief in this society. Working with people who have been in the grip of drugs, alcohol, or other addictive behaviors has affirmed to me that all addictions are basically the same at their core. If we are not providing ourselves with the love and support that only we can give, it creates a sort of vacuum that we will try to fill up using things outside of ourselves.

This is a long-winded way of suggesting that loving ourselves and cultivating a positive relationship with the person in the mirror has been something of a cliché for a long time. We have yet to actually heed this calling and put it into practice on a regular, consistent basis as a collective humanity. This article is the first of many that will offer encouragement and support to people who resonate with this type of message. I want to acknowledge and give credit to my own teacher and mentor Matt Kahn who has helped me recognize the vital importance of self-love as a means to discover our true potential and find real happiness. I've provided a link to his first book below. Thank you so much for considering this message and recognizing how important and powerful you are.

www.seedsoflove.ca