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Spinster Life

Embracing It

So, as a thirty four year old, unmarried (strong, independent) woman, I have had some interesting conversations with people who assume I am the last and most lonely single person to have ever lived. They look at me with concerned eyes and reassuringly say, 'well, the right one is out there, don't give up.' I am very polite and hold back my initial thoughts and simply reply 'I'm sure he is.'

I have had people ask why I never had children, which always concerns me. I was never with someone who I wanted as a father of my children, NUMBER ONE. I mean, just because I have a uterus doesn't mean I want any old sperm to impregnate me. Why do I have to explain this to people? Why do people even care? It is MY uterus after all. I always wanted to adopt anyway, but clearly that is irrelevant.

Another question I am asked frequently is 'don't you want to get married?' To me this should be rephrased to 'don't you want to settle just so you won't die alone?' To which the answer will always remain 'No, I do not want to do that.' My standards are pretty reasonable and they will not budge. If I don't find someone who fulfills them, I suppose I am doomed to a life alone or with a million cats (a very old and outdated stereotype that I wish would go away).

I have had repair men ask if I need to speak to my husband before agreeing to a price. I had a refrigerator repair man ask me why my husband couldn't help me move my fridge. I told him it wasn't 1952 and a girl didn't need a husband to own a refrigerator nowadays. I had a tree service tell me that it would be easier to talk to my husband in regards to cutting down a tree. It's unfortunate these types of comments are made in 2017.

I was in a five year long relationship that was really unhealthy. I was naive and apparently didn't know what a relationship was supposed to be like. I would hear love songs and wonder if this is REALLY what they were writing about. I knew I wasn't happy. I just assumed that was normal. We would fight and I would want to end it so badly, but a gift always followed. It was the extreme guilt that brought me back. How I could feel so bad for a person who manipulated me, lied to me and had no regard for my feelings is beyond me. He asked me to marry him and I said yes to avoid hurting his feelings. The three days that followed included the worst nausea I had ever experienced. After revealing to him that I was not in a place to get married, he told his family I didn't like the way he proposed. I am happy now that I had the sense to leave. How awful my life could have been.

The pattern of avoiding causing someone pain continued. I have improved, but I am not completely cured of that weakness. I recognize the warning signs and can execute my self worth. I hope you can too.

I have been out with some interesting people. One date brought his emotional support animal. One person I dated I only saw when it was raining outside (he had other things to do when it was nice out). One person I didn't know that I was dating. I thought we were just friends, but apparently that was not clear to the other person involved. I could go on, but my point is awkward. I would much rather be single than deal with awkward situations that end, well, awkwardly.

Am I opposed to meeting someone? Absolutely not. I am never going to settle just to be with someone though. How miserable would that be?

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Spinster Life
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