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Spoiler Alert: He Can't Read Your Mind

Taking Responsibility in Your Marriage and Why Communication Is So Important

By Brooke NanaiPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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Me and My Husband on Our Wedding Day

It's the stereotypical type of situation. You want your husband to do or get something for you—maybe you want a certain gift, or you want him to clean up more, or you want to spend more quality time together. So, you start dropping subtle hints...

"I wish I had someone to help me with the laundry..."

"Wow that necklace is sooooo nice..."

"Molly and her husband went on a date yesterday, I think that's so sweet..."

You’re FULLY expecting him to get the message.

“I think she wants help cleaning up.”

“Oh she loves that necklace, I’m going to buy it for her birthday.”

“Maybe we should go on a date?”

And when he doesn't get the message? Woooooow...

He clearly doesn’t care about you, because he doesn’t listen or pay attention. He never gifts you anything or spends time with you, so he doesn’t love you anymore, right? *insert "Not Pretty Enough" by Kasey Chambers music*

Ladies.

MEN. ARE. NOT. MIND READERS.

Can we please stop expecting them to have telepathic abilities? Of course, it seems obvious to you what you’re hinting. But not to him. Men’s brains are not like ours (it still amazes me that my husband can literally be thinking of "nothing"—I wish I had that superpower).

First of all, may I suggest that it's time we start taking more responsibility in voicing our wants and needs in a calm manner?

If you want flowers for Valentine's Day, tell him.

If you want him to fold and put the clothes away, tell him.

If you want to go on a date, ask him.

"But that takes the surprise and romance out of it!"

I know how you feel, but sometimes we can't have it both ways. Would you rather no flowers, or flowers even though you told him to get them?

Second of all, I noticed that the best way to get him to do something for you is to do something for him!

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I COOK HIM DINNER, CLEAN HIS HOUSE, LOOK AFTER HIS KIDS..."

Woah, woah, woah, I know. That's not what I'm saying. I mean something personal, just for him.

Why don't you take him on a date?

Why don't you buy him tickets to the game?

Why not buy him that thing he's saying he loves?

Your husband has needs too. He likes to be spoiled too. He’s not an emotionless being. And if there's anything I've learned in life, it's that what you give comes back to you. So you want more love? Give more love. Want more gifts? Give more gifts. Want more money? Give some away.

Lastly, but most importantly...

How about instead of waiting for our husbands to love us in the way we want him to, we start showing ourselves that love?

We cannot expect our husbands to love us enough to make up for the lack of self love we have for ourselves. (Read that again.)

Buy yourself flowers. Buy yourself that necklace. Watch what you want on Netflix. Maybe you're looking for love and validation in the wrong place.

Yes, he's your husband. He promised to love you forever. But that doesn't take away the responsibility you have to love yourself. And I promise you as you fill up your own cup, your marriage will improve. You will stop putting so many expectations on your partner, you'll stop taking everything so personally and you'll be a million times happier.

So to recap.

  1. Don't expect him to be able to read your mind.
  2. Voice your wants and needs clearly and calmly.
  3. Love yourself first and fill up your own cup.

Which one will you start implementing today?

marriage
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