Spontaneous Loving

For years I thought that intimacy was sex and that the connection or bond was emotion. Somehow, I was failing to see that two are bound together like a helix. The two woven together and around each other keeps a relationship healthy.

After being in a relationship for so long, things become routine. It is a must that you keep things new. We forget that this takes work. It’s a common thread I hear all too often when talking with couples that turn to alternative sex lifestyles to compensate for this. In reality, all it takes is a few new ways to reconnect and be present in the moment together.

Below is a list of my top six intimacy exchange games for couples.

1. Soul Gazing

• Face each other, knees touching.
• Hold eye contact for three to five minutes. This is not a staring contest, remember to blink.
• Absolutely no talking.

2. Extended Cuddle Time

• This exercise improves all the feel good chemicals in the brain yet relaxes you and strengthens your bond.
• Schedule or create 20 -30 minutes each time you cuddle.
• Make this a routine of two to three times per week.
• No talking about problems, stresses money or issues with your partner. Only quiet, positive and loving thoughts are to be expressed.

3. Seven Breaths for Connection

• No I am not crazy, and this is not a woo hoo game. Open your mind to the possibilities.
• Sit or stand face to face and couch foreheads.
• Hold hands.
• Breathe in and out slowly at the same time. In together, out together.
• Sync your breathing and either do seven breaths in and out or hold this for this for seven minutes.
• Remember to breathe together.

4. Uninterrupted Listening

• Only one talks.
• One listens.
• Set a timer and stick to it.
• Remember, the one listening is not allowed to talk, rebuttal, or offer help. This is purely an exercise in listening to your partner.

5. Weekly C.E.O. Meeting

• Set a non-negotiable meeting time.
• The meeting takes 30 minutes.
• No tech. Turn the phones off. Turn the TV off. Put the computer away.
• No kids.
• No distractions.
• Questions that are allowed are ones like: a) how do you feel about US today? B) How can I make you feel more loved?

6. Five Things to Go-go

• Pick a code word.
• Any partner can start the game.
• This can be played at any time.
• Say…list (insert topic) Topics can include feelings, favorite foods, cravings, sexy things. Be creative.

Now you have some amazing, quick, and fun tools to help you reconnect. You can make these games your own and adapt them. Remember that to use these games effectively, it uses two thing: one is being present in the moment and the other is a focus on your partner.

These simple games also teach you how to communicate again. Communicating with a purpose and positive intent is always something that is lost to the problems and stress of the everyday life. I encourage all my couples to learn how to speak and listen effectively.

It’s really about learning to explore each other the way you did when you were first together. Not only did you explore bodies, but you were hungry to know about each other. We need to bring that hunger back to the surface, to explore all areas of the relationship as if they are new. After all, we change and evolve all the time. We cannot expect our partners to stay the exact same all the time. It is that very idea that leads to non-intimate relationships and eventual failure of them.