Stalked

Have you ever loved someone so completely? So much that every ounce of your being belonged to that person? To love so hard is to trust hard. To be in a relationship where you completely love and completely trust one another is hard to find these days. And I was one of the lucky few to find a relationship like that.

Or so I thought.

I found out there was another guy in her life. She had been seeing him for half of our almost five year relationship. I came home from visiting my mother in Virginia and all her stuff was gone. The only thing left was a letter. Penned in her own handwriting, with a careless coffee stain in the center of the first page. She tried to excuse her actions by saying she “fell out of love” with me. She explained how all those “Girl’s Weekends” were really trips to his vacation home in Northern California. How when she borrowed a sum of money from me to help her “sister” with rent, it went to invest in this guy’s new start-up project. “I’m pregnant,” she wrote. She went on for a while about how she wanted to come clean so she didn’t have any regrets as she started a new life with her baby daddy and their child. My tears hit the page, blurring the last words of the letter. I slammed it on the counter.

My mind was reeling. I shoved my hands in my pockets and felt a foreign object touch my hand. It was smooth and cold. I blinked back tears and pulled it out to examine it. It was a ring. My grandmother's ring to be exact. I had gone to Virginia to retrieve it from my mother so I could propose to her tomorrow night, on our five-year anniversary.

What felt so right in my hand five hours ago now felt out of place. It was taunting me, asking me how I could be so stupid. I wanted it as far away from me as possible. I threw it against the couch and ran back to the letter. I gathered the pages and ripped them down the center. The letter halves fell out of my hands as I crumbled to the ground with my hands on my face.

Have you ever loved someone so completely? So much that every ounce of your being belonged to that person? Now, have you had that ripped away from you? The person that you bound your soul to stomp on your heart and walk away? To love hard is to trust hard.

I wanted desperately to run to the one to whom my soul belonged. Instead, I pulled out my phone. I opened one of my social media apps. She had been cultivating her account since she was in middle school and some of her friends helped her make an account behind her parents back. Before I could stop myself, my fingers had typed her name in the search bar. Her profile appeared, but it wouldn’t let me see much. The “Add Friend” button loomed at the top of the page. She had unfriended me…

But she didn’t make all her information private. I don’t know how many times I told her to make sure her information was private. "You never know who will see that! What if someone started stalking you?" I told her. But she insisted there was no need.

Right underneath her photo was her relationship status. My name used to be there, but she had already replaced it. She had replaced me and that stung. I shook my head as if it would shake the thought out of my head.

His name was a hyperlink, so I clicked on it and it lead me to his profile. His starch white teeth and strong jawline were highlighted in the photo. There was no denying he was physically attractive. And there was no doubt in my mind that he was a player. I couldn’t believe that my sweet and intelligent love had fallen for this tool who obviously didn’t love her. Not as much as I did.

Have you ever loved someone so completely? So much that every ounce of your being belonged to that person? Have you wanted to protect that person? To pull them into your arms as to block out the hate of the world around us? To love hard is to trust hard.

I looked through the photo albums on his profile. A deep hatred grew inside of me as I stared into the eyes that charmed my beloved. My thoughts swirled and my logic shattered. I had to rescue the one whom I loved.

A plan started to form, one that my conscience hated. But was this a time for morality? My beloved was about to make a huge mistake. One that could ruin her life. What kind of man would I be if I let her go through with this?

I managed to find his address online. In this digital age, information is so easy to find. I wiped my face on the sleeve of my shirt, shoved my phone in my pocket, and snatched my keys off the counter.

My car started easily and I sped down the road. He lived about half an hour south of our house. It gave me enough time to concoct a plan. I went through half a dozen variations of the same scenario before settling on one. I would go up to his door and when I saw his dark eyes, I would punch him right in the teeth he prized so much. No one tricks my beloved.

I pulled up his long driveway and parked out of sight from the front windows of the house. I started on my way to his front door when I saw something. I peered in one of the front windows and I saw them arguing. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but their body language screamed.

A slight smile crept across my face. I continued to watch, the original plan fleeing my mind. He gestured my way and I quickly ducked. I waited a few moments in a hunched position, then slowly stood up, peaking in the window. She marched away from him, down a hallway. I ran around the side of the house and looked in the windows until I found her. She sat on the edge of a huge, beautiful bed. Her delicate hands covered her face and her shoulders shook. A deep sadness filled my heart covering the hatred for a brief moment. Then I remembered who caused my beloved so much pain.

A new plan put down roots in my mind. I wanted to hurt him with everything in my being. Maybe if she saw how I fought for her, she’d come back.

She pulled out her phone and dialed a number. I waited to feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, hoping she would call me and ask me to take her back. But it never did. She began talking to someone, but I couldn’t focus. My mind filled with all the details I would have to orchestrate to fulfill my new and improved plan.

Have you ever loved someone so completely? So much that every ounce of your being belonged to that person? Have you ever wanted to avenge their pain? To be able to fight their battles? To love hard is to trust hard.

I snuck back to my car and drove home. When I got home, I laid in my bed and schemed how to get my beloved back.

Over the next few days, I continued to go to their house. The darkness covered me as I watched their lives unfold like a reality television series. I gathered information on this guy. I watched his every move and in some capacity, I felt like I knew him.

After observing his routines, I knew the perfect time to surprise him. He always went running before dinner and I knew I could catch him on his route.

That night, I put on running clothes and waited at the park for him to run by. He ran past me, headphones in, as I pretended to stretch. I let him get a bit ahead of me and then I began to jog. I waited until we were jogging on the nature trails that wound through an expanse of forest. I started to gain on him. I could almost touch him. I checked my surroundings one last time and then tackled him.

As he landed on the ground, an earbud came out and he tried to get words out. I began to punch him, getting a few solid blows to his ribs. I broke his nose and before knocking him out, I said, “This is for stealing her!” I put him in a choke hold and held it until he stopped struggling. Not enough to kill him, but he was out. I pulled him off the trail, checked my surroundings one last time and began to jog again.

I ran the rest of the way home, finally feeling the anger and hatred leave my body. I had hurt him, and she would see that I would ALWAYS fight for her. When I got to our house, I quickly showered and changed. That would have given him enough time to make it back to his house. I picked up my phone and dialed her number.

“Hello?” she answered. There was a tone in her voice that I didn’t recognize. It almost sounded like fear.

“Hi, lovely,” I responded.

“What have you done?” she demanded.

“I fought for you! Don’t you see that he’s only playing you? You mean nothing to him, love! I can even hear the fear in your voice! What is he doing to you?”

“Him? No, he hasn’t hurt me. You on the other hand have me terrified to leave my house! You attacked my boyfriend! How did you even know his route?”

“I have my ways. Listen, I love you. Don’t you see that? You belong with me. We can raise this child together, you don’t need him,” I cooed.

“After this display, it’s more apparent to me that ever that I don’t belong with you. And I’m not going to raise a child with a man who attacks people!”

“Wait, love…” I began.

“No. I’m done with you. You enjoy the restraining order that you’ll be getting soon. Don’t ever come near me again. I never want to see you again.”

The last words she said cut me deeper than a sword. My entire fantasy shattered before my very eyes. There was no more us. I was alone.

Anger boiled to the surface. I realized that she was the one who hurt me. Not him. I couldn’t contain it anymore.

I screamed “I trusted you!” into the phone. “You snuck around and you betrayed me! How could you? I trusted you!”

I could only seem to get those three words to come out of my mouth and they spilled out time after time. The screaming subsided and it turned it to sobbing as cried “I trusted you…” into the phone.

“Goodbye,” she said. There was nothing but dial tone left. That was the last time I heard my beloved’s voice.

Have you ever loved someone so completely? So much that every ounce of your being belonged to that person? Have they ever hurt you? Because they owned your soul, they knew just how to hurt you the most? To love hard is to trust hard.

I threw the phone and I ran my fingers through my hair. I screamed and put my fist through the dry wall. My knuckles bled, but it felt like nothing compared to the pain I felt inside. I stared as the blood dripped off my hand and onto the floor.

There was a swift knock on the door and I looked up in surprise, trails from my tears still on my face. An unfamiliar voice yelled, “Police! Open up!” I hesitated, deciding if I should run out the back or face the consequence of my actions. Before I could make up my mind, the front door of my house swung open violently and the police officers surrounded me. As instructed, I got on my knees and placed my hands behind my head. Cold, metal cuffs were placed on my wrists and I was pushed out of the house and into the back of a police car. I stared at what used to be our home. I hung my head as the car drove away.

I ended up at the station. After being questioned thoroughly, I was placed in a holding cell. I would await my trial here. I was given cold food on a plastic tray and a thin blanket. I stared at the stark white walls, trying to organize my thoughts. Grief filled my heart, but what could I do but wait from inside a cell?

Have you ever loved someone so completely? So much that every ounce of your being belonged to that person? You loved them so much, you would do anything to prove it? Even if it meant pain for yourself? To love hard is to trust hard.

Or so I thought.