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Stalked by a Special Ed Student

When I was in my senior year of high school, I was not exactly what you would describe as 'cool.'

By xcxsailormoonxcxPublished 6 years ago 15 min read
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Photo By www.secureteen.com

When I was in my senior year of high school, I was not exactly what you would describe as "cool" or even "socially competent." I had and still have MAJOR social anxiety, to the point where if I leave my room, it was a good day for me because I was pushing myself. So, as a result, I became friends with anyone who gave me the time of day. This actually led me to becoming very close with my good friend Caidence (name is fake to protect her identity).

All I had was her, and that was enough for me. During school, we were virtually inseparable. She was my social crutch that I leaned on whenever I felt too awkward for my own good. Caidence was great, but she had a multitude of health issues, meaning should would have sporadic absences throughout the year, and often without warning. So on one of her sick days, I was invited to be a part of a day program that took place on campus.

Actually, I was forced. A teacher would recommend one student from their fourth period to miss a day of school just to participate. So this meant I could've easily just not shown up since, if I was spotted on campus, I would've been dragged to the gym with all the other unlucky lottery winners. And since Caidence had told me prior that she had an appointment (a rare event, might I add), I REALLY had no reason to show up to school. But since my mom would've made me go to school if I told her why I wanted to stay home, I figured it was best to just go rather than fight with my mom when there was a high possibility of me losing anyway.

The day program was called Walk a Mile (fake name, copyright/legal reasons) and it featured one person whose job it was to make us do activities that slowly got more serious in tone as we progressed through the activities. It started light and happy, but by the end of it, 99 percent of us were in tears. I regret going....but not for the reasons you might think. For the very last activity, we were given a slim paper with ten blank name tags on them.

The instructor had us write nice things on the tags, then put them on any person who was in the gym. I got quite a few. I still cherish those notes and know who wrote them to this day. I keep them in my notebook to remind me that there are good people left in the world, and that high school was only bad because I chose to make out everyone in it to be bad. I never once stepped outside my comfort zone or made an attempt to be social outside of school. So, as you might've guessed, receiving those tags made me feel special.

At some point towards the end of this activity, I noticed a tall boy in a blue hoodie with his hood up who was leaning against the closed bleachers who had literally no tags on him. I looked around and saw all the people happily spreading love and positive vibes to others. I thought back to an earlier activity where we had to walk every time the instructor said something that we felt describes us. Example: I am tall, I have and am being raised by a single parent, I have an eating disorder. The whole point of being privileged and turning our noses up to our free education system that we had been blessed with to attend the program, was to realize that high school sucks as it is.

And being alone and unnoticed throughout it, while at the same time being judged by your peers, only makes it worse. And there that kid was, alone and going unnoticed. And then it hit me. He had walked for the issues involving body issues, tough home life, and loneliness. I looked down at my shirt where the sea of tags were, and felt compelled to want make him feel as special as those tags had made me feel. So I took my last tag and quickly scribbled, "You matter" or some corny bull-crap like that and slapped it on him, then quickly scurried away (again, socially incompetent).

Moments later, he did the same to me. He even scurried away in the same awkward fashion as me. The day ended and I went home happy to not have to feel or think anymore.

Weeks passed and I returned to my normal anxious and reserved self. I was failing math, so as a result I was sent to Night School for math credit. On orientation day I was, as per usual, by myself. I was constantly checking my phone in hopes that Jennifer (fake name), my only other friend who was home-schooled, would text me back. I didn't notice, but someone had sat next to me. They tapped me on the shoulder, causing me to look up quickly to see it was the boy from Walk a Mile who I had given a tag to.

I didn't recognize him at first (I have very bad memory when it comes to people that I haven't spoken to more than five times) but he reintroduced himself and thanked me for my kind gesture. We made small talk (my specialty, bleck) until the bell rang, indicating that we had to head to the classroom we were assigned. I thought nothing of it until the next day. I had arrived to Night School early and was alone (surprise surprise) and watching a movie on my tablet. I was excited because I had no internet access at home, plus that was my only time I had WiFi and had some free time on my hands.

So I sat down at an empty table in the lunch area and pulled out my tablet and began to watch my long anticipated movie. Ten minutes into the movie, I got a tap on my shoulder. It was the boy, in that same blue hoodie. It was right then and there I realized, that whenever I saw him, he was in that hoodie. I was a bit weirded out, but thought back to when I wore the same black hat for months on end during my sophomore year, so I brushed that detail off.

Turns out he wore that every time. Whenever I saw him, he had that hoodie on, regardless of the weather, which should've been the first red flag, because it can get up to 102 degrees where I live. He sat down next to me and said hello, which I replied with a hello before returning to my screen. A few seconds later, he tapped my shoulder again. I paused the movie and redirected my attention to him again.

He started making small talk until I cut him off and told him that I'd pick up this conversation later because I was watching a movie that I've been waiting quite some time to see. He said okay and I resumed my movie. A few seconds go by and I once again felt a tap on my shoulder. I paused the movie, now slightly frustrated, and looked back up at him. He then once again made more small talk, this time consisting of unfunny humor about my movie. I gave up on my movie and put my tablet away.

This time, during the conversation, I realized I didn't even know this kid's name. I then made it a point to not word my sentences in a way that would require me to address him by name. Right before the conversation ended, I gave up and just asked him his name. He replied with an irritated look and said, "I told you my name already."

I laughed it off and made a BS excuse about how I'm so bad with names that I can never even seem to remember my own. He then laughed with me and started making more unfunny jokes, this time about my "short term name memory." He didn't even tell me his name before the bell rang—the bell that had freed me from the endless loop of unfunny jokes and interruptions. So keep in mind as I tell this story, I don't even know this kid's name. This cycle continued. I'd be by myself, he'd tap me on my shoulder (even if I was clearly busy), make unfunny jokes about something that I had told him irritated me, and the bell would ring.

This kept going, and with each joke, I grew more and more irritated with him. Things began to take a dangerous turn very quickly. I didn't live far from the building where Night School was held, so I just walked home most nights. I'd head down the stairs to the lobby, then rush out the doors to the front parking lot. One night, he had caught up with me and made small talk with me until we had reached the front gate that separated the parking lot from the sidewalk of the main cross street.

I thought nothing of it until it had happened again the following night. I then realized that he was looking for me when we were let out so he could catch up to me. So, the next day, instead of rushing out the door, I decided to hide out in the bathroom stalls while pretending to go to the bathroom until the janitor kicked me out. I walked out the doors, and BAM! It was a beautiful sight; an empty parking lot with him nowhere in sight. The weekend came and went and it eventually came time for Night School once again.

This time, I made it a point to hide out in the bathroom and watch movies on my phone in the stall. When the bell rang, I headed to my class. The best part? He was already up the stairs because, from what I had assumed, he thought I was absent. So I walked up the stairs, happy and small talk free. End of class came and I pulled my normal bathroom routine.

But this time, when I exited the bathroom, he was there. I was shocked because I didn't expect to see him, especially since almost everyone had already left except for a few students. He greeted me, then started walking me to the gate. I asked him why he was still there and he replied with, "Oh, I noticed you head to the bathroom after class so I told my mom to pick me up a few minutes later. That way you wouldn't feel bad walking by yourself." That sentence alone had creeped me out beyond compare.

But I told myself that he was just trying to be polite and probably took into account the fact that I walk home alone at night in a city with a very high crime rate. However, something about his reasoning still bothered me. I thought to myself, I've told him several times that I love being alone, in general and when I walk home. It helps me think and relax. And I also never mentioned that I wanted him to walk me to the gate, he just..did it without and against my consent to do so.

Those thoughts bothered me, but I buried them and just told myself he was just trying to be nice. I continued to do the bathroom routine before class with total success, only failing twice. One of those times I pretended to be on the phone while walking out, and he stopped me and interrupted me, then asked, "Do you want me to walk you?" I said no but he, of course, walked me anyway. I did the bathroom routine again the next day, but this time I stayed outside the bathroom when the janitor told me to take a hike.

When I walked outside, he was gone. I sighed sweet relief and walked home in peace. Next day, did the same extended bathroom routine, and walked out. My heart damn near jumped out of my chest when I saw him standing in the parking lot, alone. I soon came to the horrifying realization that he was keeping track of how long I stayed in the bathroom and acted accordingly to ensure that he'd get to walk me to the gate.

It only got continually worse from there. From him staring whilst smiling at me when I was walking to my classes, (according to Caidence, I never personally witnessed this) to following me when I'm going to class (again, according to Caidence). It got so bad, to the point where I completely changed my normal routes I'd take to my classes so I wouldn't bump into him. At Night School, he started asking me if I'd like him to walk me home. I, of course, made up every excuse under the sun as to why I had to walk alone.

Ranging from "my mom doesn't like me walking with boys" to "I'm meeting up with a friend before I head home." But no matter what answer I gave him, he'd always ask whenever he had the chance to catch up with me. It got to the point where just looking at him would be enough to ruin my day. The only time I felt safe anymore was during school when I was with Caidence. For whatever reason, he would never bother me when I was with her.

Probably because she was very assertive and protective of me, knowing that he was borderline harassing me. One day during a passing period, I bumped into him. I was about to brace myself for some small talk, when I noticed his face was bleeding and bruised under his eye. When I asked him what happened, he told me he got into a fight, then proceeded to tell me that he did it for no reason, and asked me how cool it was.

That was the very last straw for me. This was getting ridiculous. I no longer felt safe, and I was constantly looking over my shoulder. I had enough things going on in my life just from being a senior, I didn't need to add "stalker" to my long list of issues. Most people talk to their friends when they feel they're having issues.

But I felt so unsafe that I thought if I confronted him about how he was making me feel, he'd not only be deeply hurt, but he could easily swing from mad to dangerous. Something I want to bring up is that I never told my mom about this. She still doesn't know about this. So I was going through this totally alone, aside from Caidence. Like I stated before, I didn't know his name. In an attempt to get the madness to stop, I had Caidence take a picture of him when he wasn't looking then showed it to the school security since I couldn't identify him by name.

He then identified him as a student in the Special Ed program, which made everything that had been happening for the last six weeks make sense, and I felt bad for telling on him. I felt like a snitch. But once again, I thought about how he would handle the situation if I told him he made me uncomfortable. Knowing that he was, in fact, mentally ill, only confirmed my horror fantasies of him going off the deep end.

Later that week, I met with the Vice Principal, Mrs. Jenkins (fake name). I told her what he had been doing, then showed her the picture Caidence took. She identified him as Jacob Rodriguez (fake name; however, I wish I could use his real name so he could understand the effect his actions had on me). She told me that he told her that he did, in fact, have a crush on me, and that she would talk to him and tell him to stay away because his actions were was making me feel unsafe and uncomfortable. After that, I went home for the weekend then came back on Monday, still a little on edge.

But I soon learned that Mrs. Jenkins had talked to him, because I bumped into him and he rushed past me. At that moment, I felt a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. I went to Night School without any further problems, and I made it a point to smile and be courteous to him whenever I bumped into him at night and regular school, even though all I got in return was dirty looks and avoidance in his eyes. To this day, whenever I'm out in public (in my very small town mind you) he gives me dirty looks.

Luckily I'm almost always traveling with my amazing baby bro who knows about what happened, and he literally growls at him. All in all, I'm glad this happened to me. I not only got through it, but I got through it virtually all on my own. I handled the situation in a calm and classy manner, and I'm proud of myself for that. I found the courage to stand my ground and let people know that when I make boundaries, they have to follow them if they want a relationship with me.

Whether that be friendship or intimate, I demanded respect. He still refuses to give me respect, and no doubt blames me for not returning the feelings he had for me. I sincerely hope he reads this, because I want him to know how scared and worthless he made me feel when he didn't respect my space. And the fact that he still continues to not respect me is really telling of his character. It was so bad, to the point where I was considering getting the police involved so I could get a restraining order against him.

Had I not gone to Mrs. Jenkins, that would've been the next step I'd have taken. But one thing I want to make abundantly clear: I do not nor did I ever owe him a relationship in any shape or form. That applies to everyone who has a crush on someone. You can't be mad at someone not being attracted to you. Believe me, I know the pain of rejection first hand.

Was I upset? Of course I was, but I got over it by telling myself that he didn't owe me anything, and that he had no romantic feelings towards me. And I had to respect that. And with the patience I gained from that situation, I found a wonderful man who loves me for me. In conclusion, I was stalked by a special ed student and I came out of it stronger than ever.

healing
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