Stuck on Stupid (Part 2)

[SEMESTER 2: Hospital]

(Just a little backstory on why I went to the hospital. I was raped for three years, and I never told anybody... senior year I couldn't hold it in anymore because it was literally eating me alive, causing conflicting emotions, and I attempted suicide.)

I got released from the mental hospital May 24, 2018. I was feeling somewhat good and refreshed. I didn't have to attend school anymore, my mom was taking me places to keep me calm, I got to see my friends and hang out with people. I wasn't smoking weed anymore, I was just feeling kind've like a little free spirit. Life was working out in my favor... for once.

Then you came. You checked on me, made sure I was okay mentally. Made sure I had somebody to run to for advice when my head was feeling wonky. You kind of swooped in and added to my saving because you became my everything in such a short amount of time. I wasn't over my rapist, but you made me feel safe and open. You made me forget about all of that. I could tell you anything, we talked for hours. You took me outside of my rambunctious thoughts and made me feel like I had somebody to lean on, depend on. I trusted you with my life. You became my best friend, we were so close.

This eventually turned into me going to your house everyday. And when I returned to school for a week, by then, we were a thing. Everybody would stare and ask "You guys date now?" and for the first time in like... ever, I replied "Yup!" And I was proud. I was proud to be yours. I was proud to be apart of you. I was happy you took the pain away. The love grew for you everyday, rapidly. My love for myself was growing rather quickly also.

I think I was finding myself in you. I was so happy and at peace mentally. Finally. I was trying to attain this my whole life, this feeling was what I was looking for my whole life and I finally had it. I became addicted to say the least. I had to be near you, I had to be thinking about you. I wanted to know everything you were doing. If you were thinking it, I had to know it. If you were going somewhere I had to go to. I skipped class to walk around with you. Felt like I was floating when I was with you. I had never felt like this before and I was scared of letting it go.

Skipping work to be at your house to me was the best time of my life. I felt like I was living. I finally felt like I was living. You gave me life. I wasn't ready for you but I didn't care. Being at your house, just being in the same room as you, I was ecstatic. To hear your voice, lay with you, kiss you, hold your hand... made me feel like I was floating. Even when we argued I loved it because it was interaction. Crazy how in love I was and I didn't even know. If you left my presence, I felt naked. I felt unknown, uncertain. It had to be you. I had to be with you.

My dad's girlfriend said I was in love with you and for the longest I doubted it because love scares me, the thought of me being in love was so foreign but I was. In every way I was with you. I just didn't know it at the time.