Stuck on Stupid (Part 3)

[WE GRADUATED AND DEPART]

You're gone. You left me in the worst way and I couldn't deal. I still can't and it's three months later.

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Let's backtrack. Our relationship started going south once I got kicked out my moms house and had to move to Richmond, VA. We started having arguments about stupid stuff. I started to get tired of your way of thinking because I thought you were childish and we broke up because of it.

You said you couldn't stop thinking about me and you said you realized you loved me, so we got back together. A month later I moved out of Virginia and moved farther away from you into North Carolina with my dad and that's when everything REALLY went left. More arguments, less solutions, more realizations, less happiness.

I started to realize that I was addicted to you and you started getting distant. You realized I was very dependent on you emotionally wise and as you got more distant, I started freaking out because I felt like I had to do the most to keep you. I didn't know what to do. In my mind everything was happening so fast but not for the better, for the worst. So to make a long, depressing story short, you told me we couldn't be together because of the distance and also because I didn't know myself or love myself and everything I was came from you (You were the tree, I was the branch, and I was breaking, dying).

You said I needed to take time to love myself and just focus on me since we were broken up and I tried but I just couldn't let go. I didn't know how. It was hell for me because I could feel my world crumbling apart and it was happening all so fast, I didn't understand why things had to be like this. I tried to convince you that we could be a good couple even with the distance. You weren't trying to hear that at all. You claimed you loved me but honestly it didn't feel like you were doing this for "my benefit", it felt like you were trying to escape my love. Subconsciously I think I was realizing that everyday and every time we talked and I couldn't handle it at all. I was loosing my mind.

How could my everything become nothing in a matter of two months; eight weeks. I tried to latch on and keep you interested as much as I could. I became obsessed. Unhealthily though. That pushed you away more. I had mental breakdowns, feeling more and more everyday like I didn't know who I was or what I was here on this earth for.

Eventually, you blocked me on all social media. Leaving me to just wander in my mind. Allowing me to wallow in my tears. Left me by myself in this world when we were supposed to be a duo. A tragedy I couldn't deal. I couldn't understand.

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So here we are, January 2019, almost February... You are gone. I was alone. I am alone. I don't know who I am. I am still in love with you but I have to keep it to myself. I have to make myself fall out of love. I don't know how. I try to move on everyday but in my head the words you said to me "maybe in the future we will come back together" linger in my mind. In my subconscious, in my conscious, daily. It gives me hope for us. Maybe I should let go, but only if you tell me to.