Superwomen Syndrome

Have you ever felt like if it wasn’t for you, a lot of things would go wrong? How about feeling you have to do it because nobody else would do it? Or maybe you’re the universal psychologists, does everybody come to you for advice but never ask you how you’re feeling? Well I’m here to say me too.

Look, I’m no expert, nor do I think I’m qualified to call it a syndrome, but this is my experience and I’ve talked to a lot of people in my personal life that experience the same things. Maybe some insight or just hearing my story will give you a little sense of relief that you’re not alone and there’s more than one superwoman out here.

My Story

Ever since the third grade I’ve had an understanding of life and the concept of cause-and-effect. I also was heavily into creativity; I was singing and dancing all through elementary school, all the way to high school and beyond, and my creativity has ignited a gift to be empathetic to people and what people are going through, but now I understand it’s a gift and a curse.

By the time I got to high school, I was taught the difference between sympathy and empathy, and only then I realized how much empathy has impacted my life. Sympathy is the surface level of compassion all humans have and do when faced with issues. With empathy, however, things get a little deeper; you step into somebody else’s shoes when you offer this level of compassion. The problem with that is, or maybe not a problem but just a con, that people feel comfortable, people trust you and willing to spill their whole life to you. You become a safe space, which is wonderful; I think that’s the best way to have friendships is to know that your friend is a safe space. But society forgets to remember that an interaction with another human is an exchange, it needs to be a 50-50 conversation, but if you’re superwoman, it’s a one-sided conversation. You sit there and listen to all their problems, then they wait for you to solve it and then you won’t hear from them until they have another problem. Notice in exchange, there’s never any sympathy or compassion or concern offered on their end. Which leaves us superwomen feeling drained, lonely and forgotten.

I sometimes walk away from a situation or conversation with their bad energy still because I never got to release it. But you still establish these interactions as friendships because they trust you and they come to you all the time and they still reassure you with “You’re the best thank you,” and “You’re my lifesaver.” These are all positive feedbacks stating you’re a good friend and that you were in a good friendship, but again, it’s one-sided.

For the superwoman, it feels like you don’t care, it feels like all you care about is your problems, You come off as a complainer, you come off as lazy. At least for me, when I have the same person consistently coming to me with the same problem, it’s like you’re lacking common sense or you just refuse to do the work on your own and have me do it all the time. Sometimes, it’s not often, but superwoman doesn’t have the answers Sway! As far as family, that’s a whole different beast; not only do you have the typical mindset of people thinking you’re superwoman, but then you have the title that you place in your family.

My family calls that “the glue.” I know when I went away for college my home life was chaos, and as soon as I came back balance was restored again. But it’s stressful and it puts a lot of pressure on the superwoman to constantly be that glue when all you wanna do is be in the middle of an Oreo cookie. You don’t want to have to put it together all the time, You want to be put together or you want to be listened to or have someone solve your problems.

And it’s with family that causes the severe side effects of being superwoman, which are depression, loneliness, hopelessness and anxiety. I’ve literally chased away the idea of ever becoming a social worker or psychologist simply because I don’t want to have to listen to people's problems all the time. I do that for free and will not make a career out of it, but that’s just me; by all means, if it’s something you like doing, make superwoman a career, but for me I just wanna be understood.

As superwoman I’m resilient, yes, I’m strong, yes and I can solve 85% of problems, yes, but none of this means I don’t need guidance too. As superwoman, the guidance I think most superwomen need is just “Hey how are you”, “What’s going on in your life”, “How can I help you feel better” or maybe just say “Hey let’s just go out for the day let’s not think about anything too serious." That is music to my ears, but it doesn’t happen often unless we find our Superwoman community and we all vent to each other, which I hope to provide with this story.

Look, superwomen or man, I’m not here to say it gets easier or that you’ll soon retire your suit because I’m only 21 and I have yet to put my suit away and I don’t think it’s happening anytime soon. But instead of trying to put your suit away, let’s embrace the amazing qualities we do have and let's embrace how powerful we are on this planet.

As a superwoman, you literally can do anything. You don’t think twice because nine times out of ten, you’ve been through a lot of the scenarios or have had friends and family that have been through all those scenarios, you’ve got your own little toolbox! I’m just gonna throw this out there before we continue on the list: as a superwoman you don’t take your own advice LOL, but anyway.

As a superwoman, people love being around you; that’s something you should be proud of. You exude comfortable, accepting energy, your very free spirit. And not to mention you have a very loud intuition. These things you already possess from a very early age most people take a lifetime to achieve, so just know you have a head start, and it may be annoying at times, but you have a purpose, superwoman or superman, and we all need a superwoman or superman in our life. Everything happens for a reason. Until next time, let me know how you guys feel, feel free to leave comments questions or concerns, I am very open to hearing your experiences.

Best,

Nia J