Surviving Heartbreak

To be honest, I think this is like the first time I've written a blog post and actually not thought about being 'positive' and trying to make people 'see the light at the end of the tunnel'. I'm just being real and RAW. Heartbreak and the heartache that comes with it is actually unmatchable LOL. I don't know of any pain it is comparable to. It's not the worst pain, but it's a unique kind of pain on its own. The worst is when it wasn't even because of a relationship, but a situationship, and I'm not the first person that's expressed this so I know this much is true. When I feel like this, I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make me feel better (except God). My friends (bless them) have the best things to say, and are always trying to uplift me, but needless to say it's as useful to me as a band aid in this situation. It almost feels like the world is ending. And I think that's because this person, in a way, was your world. People like me who are intense beings feel two ways when ending with someone, absolutely nothing or absolutely everything. This is what makes it worse. I've spoken to people and it's come to an end, and it's been a relatively easy 'goodbye'. Yes I'd still think about them occasionally, but the memories would pop up and I'd literally feel nothing. But when I really like the person. Wow. Fam, I'm sure I'm close to death because what kind of pain is that? Why does it have to feel like this?!?!?! How many working days 'til I feel normal again?!????!

Breeny Lee described visually in the best way imaginable on her YouTube channel what a break up is like. She stuck two pieces of paper together that represented you and the person you're in a relationship with, using a glue stick. When she tore it, there was obvious damage to both pieces of paper. Neither was the same, both had pieces of the other on it, and were ultimately torn. They were no longer two separate papers. In this way, I understood that this is why break up is painful. You'll always be a part of that person and vice versa. This is exactly why people go back to their exes, because that bond actually never goes away. But WHY must it be like this :(((((

One of the worst parts for me is that the person hasn't died. This sounds so bad LOL? At least if the person died you'd have some sort of clarity. But no. You'll likely bump into the person and your heart starts pumping or you'll see them on social media, so what do you do then? It's painful but it's also beautiful. Maybe it's the artist in me that can see the beauty in something like this, but to me it's beautiful. It's beautiful how we can become so connected to someone, not just physically but emotionally. Our bond is something we can't see but we both know is there and it's wonderful. It's wonderful because the longer it's there, the stronger it gets. However, that's also why it hurts so much when it's broken. Making yourself vulnerable and opening yourself up to the point of having feelings for someone else is already daunting as it is, but the prospect of you guys not working out and the person you once shared a bond with ending up with someone else is just as, if not more, daunting to think about. Maybe that's why we are so scared of break ups or heart ache in general.

If there's one thing I've learnt, there's no way to avoid it, unless (like me LOL) you close yourself off completely. But that's no fun. Who wants to live in a world where you don't build any sort of bond with someone (except sociopaths)? There are active steps you can take to avoid your time being wasted (I may write another blog post on that). But ultimately, heartache doesn't have to occur within a relationship context. Your friends can break your heart, and so can your family members, so in a way, it is inevitable. I think hearts were meant to be broken. <\3.